bob's blue balls

I have blue balls.
Two of them.
Being male and alone, it makes sense that I have them.
They are relatively new and hardly used.
I'm the only one that's seen them.
Until now.........
















Anyone else use the Downy Ball? These things are great. Let me take a couple of steps back. I never used fabric softener before in my life. Why you ask? Well, growing up Mom never used fabric softener and all of my domestic skills I owe to her. Mom also always used Tide laundry detergent, Dawn for dishes and Crest toothpaste. Guess what products are in just bob's cabinet? Good guess people. Give yourselves a gold star.

Anyway, I didn't know from fabric softener. I'm a guy, not much of one, but a guy nonetheless. Clothes are either clean or dirty right? OK, sometimes clothes have been worn and not technically clean but certainly aren't dirty either. If they are dirty you wash them. Detergent, water, wash, rinse, spin, dry; all pretty simple and straight forward. Imagine how my world was turned upside down when on vacation this summer and I went downstairs to the basement to help Mom with the laundry. I see her filling this little ball with some sort of fluid, dropping it into the washer, and setting the dial. So it was explained to me that it was fabric softener, that she started using it when she moved back up north, and that it made laundry feel and smell better during the harsh winters. My aunt gave her the heads-up on the whole Downy Ball thingy.

Armed with this new found laundry technology, I search high and low when I got back home for these magical orbs. They operate on the principle of centrifugal force. The fabric softener is loaded into the ball and the ring on top is pulled to seal it in. (A blue ball filled with creamy white liquid is somewhat disturbing but I digress) The ball floats harmlessly during the wash cycle. The science kicks in during the rinse phase. As the washer drum spins, the ball is slung to the drum wall. Inside the ball, the weighted stem (being heavier than the rest of the ball) is propelled towards the drum wall with greater force thereby pulling the sealing cap away from the lid and releasing the fabric softener at the opportune time... the money shot.

I tried it for the first time last weekend and it really works. Clothes do feel and smell more comfortable. It also is supposed to help with the hard water we have here, but that I can not confirm. There is a great likelihood that I bought them simply because the gadgetry behind them was wicked cool and not that I truly wanted softer clothes. Anything to make laundry more exciting is definitely welcome. Maybe I'll take up extreme ironing next. Afterall, I've been wearing unsoften clothes for over 40 years now. Would softer boxers make my life better? In a small, small way it is better. And yes, my two balls are still blue, even after they are emptied.