Blottie Asks...

When I get 30 questions at I Got Nuthin' (currently at 24) I will answer them. In the mean time, please enjoy this edition of Blottie Asks...

#1: Why did you pick me to be Blottie?
Travel with me back in time to a post long, long ago....

#2: A There are women right on this blog who would marry you in an instant (sorry baby, I can't). B Why don't you think you are worthy and C what would you wear to the wedding and why?
A) None of the women who would "marry you in an instant" have ever seen me live and in person. That ultimately would scare any of them away and likely haunt them for life.
B) 20 years of evidence and history has proven that I am in fact undesirable. This is such an airtight case that Judge Judy couldn't even pick it apart.
C) Since there won't be a wedding that makes this portion of the question null and void.

#3: Where would you like to honeymoon? And who do you think should pay for it?
I'd have to get married to have a honeymoon. Since that won't happen, this question is also null and void.

#4: Panties or no panties?
Boxers

#5: Tolstoy or Thurber?
Tolstoy played goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs and Thurber batted 5th for the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers right? I'll go with Thurber because he could move the runner into scoring position with less than two outs.

#6: Deep dish pizza or New York Style pizza?
Deep dish all the way.

#7: Your dream date?
I'm undateable which makes this question null and void as well.

#8: Love. What does it mean to you?
Love is zero points in tennis.

#9: You Anon 69? 67? 55? 68? Etc.?
I sign my name to everything so no I am none of them.

#10: Your favorite flower?
Crabgrass

#11: Am I just a bad speller or simply a fast typer?
You type fast and don't review your work before hitting submit.

#12: Proof or not proof?
80-Proof

#13: Do you know how to delete forever? (Apparently not because that one's still up there. When you delete, hit backspace, you will be asked if you want to "Delete Forever." Hit "YUP!!!" And poof, just like at the Wild Onion, it's gone.)
Comment deleted
This answer has been removed by a blog administrator.

#14: Well I can't leave it on #13. Hummmmmmm, this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Taps top lip with forefinger and looks to sky for inspiration. Okay, got it. Do you know the meaning of "importunate" without looking it up in the dictionary?
No I did not. I had to look it up.

Before and After

Before

After

Thanksgiving memories

It was Thanksgiving Day in 1990. I had graduated from college in 1989 and moved to Nevada. The company I was working for part-time in college relocated from Florida to Nevada after I graduated, and they offered me a full-time position if I made the move with them. Being young, I didn't have much money and was rooming with a co-worker who also made the move. It was my first holiday away from my family and I couldn't afford to fly home to spend Thanksgiving with them.

Growing up I learned a lot about cooking on my own, and could find my way around the kitchen fairly well on my own. Of course, Mom was queen when it came to Turkey Day, so I had no idea or clue what to do when it came to the big bird. My roommate was helpless in the kitchen, compiling more empty fast food containers than I thought humanly possible. On the big day there was no question there wouldn't be a home cooked dinner in the offing. So what would two single guys do? Of course, we went to the Las Vegas Hilton Buffet for our Thanksgiving feast. It was my worst Thanksgiving ever.

A few years later, I was back home in Florida working finally in the profession I went to college for. During one of those Thanksgivings, I invited a friend over for Thanksgiving. It was the first time our family ever celebrated the holiday with someone from outside our family. She was a co-worker that I liked a lot, and she was a long way from home herself. Someday I'll tell you more about her. It was extra special for me because I had someone there who I could share both a wonderful meal and a little more of my life than I ever had with anyone else. After dinner and helping clean up, we went for a long walk. It was Florida, so you could do that in November without freezing to death. We walked under the moonlight around the lake, and held hands most of the way. I don't even remember what we talked about during that walk, but I remember it being one of the best times of my life. We got home eventually and watched Home Alone with my mom. She spent the night, her in my bedroom and me on the couch. I thought it was the start of something special which didn't.

My final Thanksgiving memory is from 1999. I was in the process of moving from Colorado to New Hampshire. Yes, I've moved quite a bit around in my life. All of my belongings were in a moving truck, making their way across the country. I was staying at a friends guest house. It was a great place, somewhere I easily would have paid rent to stay in. It was gorgeous at the foothill of the Rocky Mountains. I spent the afternoon cleaning my former apartment, hoping to get all of my security deposit back. I scrubbed, washed, vacuumed, and returned the apartment to pristine condition while listening to the Miami Dolphins lose to the Dallas Cowboys on the radio. As day turned into night, the apartment turned dark and I had cleaned as much as I could see in the fading light. I hadn't eaten all day and was starving. The friends I was staying with had gone out of town for the holiday, but they left a note on the guest house door for me. I ventured into garage, and in the refrigerator they had left me plenty of leftovers to enjoy. Back to the guest house, I went into the kitchen to reheat them and found a bottle of wine to enjoy with my leftovers. They were so good to me. To this day, I don't think leftovers felt so good or tasted so delicious. Even though they were miles away, I never felt alone or so welcome. Oh yeah, the outdoor hot tub bubbling over and steam rising in chilly fall evening was a memorable way to end what could have been a lonesome holiday. They truly are wonderful people and great friends.

Those are few of my unconventional Thanksgivings. As I wait for this years bird to finish, I think about the things that make the holiday. It isn't food, it's the people. They, more than anything else, are what I'm thankful for.

I got nuthin'

I got nuthin'. My life is so devoid of anything interesting or intriguing that in the past week I've written about lighted crosses, toilet paper, the Butt Bandit, and toast. It worked for Random Chick back in August, so I'll give this a try now.... with some rules.

I'll answer the first 30 questions asked, no more. Each person is entitled to no more than two questions. That should give all 15 of my returning readers ample opportunity to get in a couple of queries. I'll answer everyone once the 30 questions have been posted.

Here's your chance. It may never come again so make them good.

Ode to Toast

Because Annie Ha keeps asking.....

Growing up I loved my toast
when made by my dear mama
So now as a semi-grown up
mine is a toast to Obama

Happy Breakfast!!!

Ode to the Butt Bandit

His year long run
has come to a stop
Nebraska's Butt Bandit
was nabbed by a cop

In a little town
they call Valentine
This petty vandal
faces more than a fine

He was making the rounds
businesses he hit
on their windows he left
an imprint of his slit

To leave his best mark
he had a new notion
He used for his paint
Vaseline or a lotion

Then late Wednesday night
while pressing his butt
The police swept in
And ended this smut

The police now proclaim
this town is safe for us
From the Butt Bandit
and his heinous anus

Home Games

When I lived in the dorms in college, my roommate and I would buy our own toilet paper. This was done for a couple of reasons. First off, the public restrooms in our dorm would always be out of t.p. by end of the weekend. That meant a trek to the actual library on Sunday night or Monday morning if you needed to take care of business. With our own supply, we were well equipped should the need arise.

The second reason was that our school bought possibly the cheapest and worst t.p. on the market. This one-ply stuff was so thin you could read the newspaper through it. What it lacked in thickness it made up for it in texture. This 50-grit paper was coarse enough to do serious damage to the most paint jobs not to mention to our unmentionables.

The place I work at now is close to approaching this level of uncomfortable wiping. I know why we purchase this industrial sized and grade product, but that doesn't bring any consolation when I sit down to drop a deuce. Frequently I'll bring along the newspaper or a magazine to catch up on some business reading. On more than one occasion I've considered sacrificing a page or two in an effort to gain a measure of comfort following the momentous event. But eventually my overwhelming fear of printers ink being carcinogenic if used improperly leaves the unholy roller as the only option.

I'm not a big fan of "road games." I'd rather take care of business on my own turf. In general, things come out better in the end for me during home games. Familiar surroundings, soothing sounds, and luxurious, quilted, two-ply or three-ply toilet paper allow me the confidence to sit and smile. I'll buy generic store brand paper towels, garbage bags, household cleaners, and even cereal. I refuse to skimp when it comes to my toilet paper. There's no feeling in the world like knowing you have the home field advantage when that bathroom door closes and the pressing issues of the day weigh heavy upon you. Wiping away all those worries makes the world a better place to live.

Merry Redneck Christmas

What better way to say Merry Christmas than your own personal burning cross in your front yard? The American Family Association is offering up this beauty on their website for only $81.85. Now you too can celebrate the holiest of Christian holidays with a poignant reminder of the days of American segregation and racial hate.

This is the perfect stocking stuffer for all those families that voted for California's Proposition 8, Florida's Proposition 2 and Arizona's Proposition 102 this month. Gather around this yard ornament and sing Kreative Kristmas Karols!

Thanks to First Door on the Left for this little nugget of Holiday Cheer.

Eggshell White Fifth Wheel

I'm guessing about the year 2000 I moved into a position in my professional career where I was high enough up the ladder to start attending out of town conferences. Every year, a trade association of which I am a member holds their annual conference and trade show during the summer (story #1 and story #2 from this year).

A big part of the conference is the Friday Golf tournament which is a fund raiser for a charitable foundation. Since around 2002 I've been a part of a standing foursome which gets together and takes part every year. We always finish near the middle of the pack, never really contend for any of the prizes, but probably have the most fun of any of the groups. Since we're all scattered across the country, we only get to see each other a few times a year at conferences like these so we make the most of our time together.

Three years ago only three of us were able to play as the fourth had a family emergency and did not travel to the conference. We still had a great time, and made sure to drink a beer (or more) in his absence. In 2007, it again was only three of us. This time one of our group had left the industry and was no longer a part of the association. We did pick up a friend of a friend and still had a good time. This year, we didn't even play. Another one of the gang had left the business, leaving only two remaining. My other playing partner was now a part of the tournament organizing committee, which meant he couldn't play. Needless to say, the foursome that had terrorized golf courses, drink cart girls, and cigar vendors for the past six years was no longer.

The group remains friendly to this day, even though we've gone different paths and don't get the chance to see each other much anymore. Like the rest of the world, we stay in touch via email and phone calls. One thing I've noticed over the years, even when we were still playing, was that I was always the one initiating the contact with the group. Moe, Curly or Larry rarely picked up the phone or dropped an email to reach out to me, even though they spoke routinely amongst themselves. When I called, the conversations would frequently start "I was just talking to (Moe, Curly or Larry)" or "you should call more often." Apparently their phones only receive incoming calls because they never made phone calls to me. When I lost the sense that I mattered, I gave up trying to see if they would reach out to me. They did not.

I've always been somewhat on the periphery of this and other groups. I make my way through life as a fifth wheel, not really a core member of any group but someone allowed to tag along. I spend a lot of time pondering why that is. I never have come up with an answer. I have to guess that I'm lacking something to each of these groups which make me OK to bring along but not on the "must invite" list. I'm not the life of the party and I'm certainly not anywhere close to being one of the pretty people. For the guys, I'm dependable enough to get them to the next bar, pick up a tab when it's my turn, and maybe have a story to add to the conversation. For the women, I'm the safe nice guy... the one who will hold the door open, watch your bags when you go to the washroom, and will laugh along as you swoon over the hot, bad boy on the other side of the room. I'm the eggshell white paint of life... a background shade that fades from view for the more colorful fixtures of the world. Durable and dependable, I do my job and let the rest of the world shine.

Perhaps that is the moral of the story... never assume you mean as much to someone as they mean to you. After all, you may just be the eggshell white fifth wheel.

Pissed parker

To the guy/gal that parked next to me this morning...

Your Ford Explorer is NOT a compact car you moron. Perhaps you were confused. After all, the Ford Explorer is smaller than the Ford Expedition, so maybe you were under the false impression that made it a compact. It is NOT.

Did you not see the "Compact" sign painted on the parking space? You obviously can read. You didn't park in the handicap or car pool parking places. That didn't happen by accident. You read those signs and didn't park in those spots. But there is no fine for idiots like you cramming a huge SUV into a parking spot designed for a compact car, so you went ahead and did it. I realize that if you actually had obeyed the signs that would have meant parking on the fifth floor of the garage instead of the second floor. It would have taken a whole extra five minutes out of your day to walk up and down the stairs to park in an appropriately sized parking space for that monster truck.

Next time you choose to park that behemoth in a compact spot, do your neighbors a favor and leave us some Vaseline so we can grease up and hope to slide back into our compact cars at the end of the day. If I had worn a thicker sweater today there's no way I could have gotten in the drivers door. Luckily I skipped lunch so not having that extra 1/16th of an inch around the waistline allowed me to shoehorn my way through the minuscule space between our autos. I was seriously considering the possibility that I was going to have to climb into my trunk and fold down the back seat just to be able to get into my car.

Thanks for being such a douche bag.

Fence Suspense

About one month ago, this temporary fencing was delivered across the plaza from my office building. For those of you not familiar with it, this is the type of temporary fencing that is used to secure construction sites, music festivals, and the like. It can be assembled in less than a day and doesn't cause permanent damage to grounds, asphalt parking lots, concrete, etc. I find it highly ironic that the delivery company used temporary fencing to secure the temporary fencing.

The thing is... no one knows what this fencing is for. It has sat there unused since its delivery date in the beginning of October. No one in our building ordered it. There is no pending construction on campus that would necessitate securing an active site. The jazz festival isn't until spring, so that can't be why it was delivered.

The fence suspense has me wondering what potential uses there are:

A make shift prison for those pesky squirrels running amok?
A "build it yourself" zoo kit for the biology department (tigers not included, some assembly required)?
A Ken & Barbie life size S&M dollhouse?
A border fence for a new breakaway country?

Any other ideas???

All tuckered out

I'm exhausted. It's been a long seven weeks of working and volunteering. This weekend's plan is simple...

Weekend = just bob * (couch + naps) + (TV * football)

I'm catching up on some blogs too. So if you haven't been feeling the love from just bob lately, I'm slowly working my way through my Google Reader.

These two days are going to fly by too quickly. Hopefully watching the world speed by from the couch instead of running to keep up with it will do this old dog some good.

The Waterboy

I'm the only male in my office. Sometimes I think the only reason I was hired was to fill the freakin' water cooler. Sign this purchase order, call this person, make this decision, change the water cooler. That's about it. Damn, I remember when my job used to be fun. My career has evolved into being a paper pusher and keeper of the cooler. I've gotta start reading the fine print in job descriptions.

Twice a week, like clockwork, every Monday and Thursday the water jug is empty. When the schedule gets busy and the days start to run together, the only way I know what day it is by the amount of water in the container.

High water = Tuesday or Friday...
Low water = Wednesday...
No Water = Monday or Thursday.

No need for those pesky things called calendars. I wonder if they knew they were hiring just bob and not Bobby Boucher.


What the heck, at least I'm getting more exercise now lifting five gallon jugs than I did before doing twelve ounce curls.

A Brand New World Starts NOW!

VOTE.... that's all for now

Why it was important

This is why it was so important for me to have made that Drive for Change to Reno two weekends ago...

What to Watch For
Newsweek Web Exclusive

10 PM EST. Polls close in Nevada, Iowa, Montana and New York.

This is the earliest point at which the race might be officially called for Barack Obama—there just aren't enough electoral votes out there, even if he's swept every swing state, to get him to 270 until New York's 31 come in. But assuming that we don't know the outcome of the election by this time, Nevada, where Obama has expanded his lead and where much of the state has already voted, could be Obama's ace in the hole—possibly offsetting a loss in Pennsylvania if paired with other pickups like Colorado and Virginia. The key area to watch in Nevada is Washoe County (Reno), which John Kerry lost by 4 points in 2004 but where the Obama campaign has registered thousands of new voters. If Obama wins Washoe, that means the state—and probably the country—is his.

Hi, I'm just bob

"Hi, my name is just bob and I'm volunteering for the Barack Obama Campaign for Change."

You know how your credit card company will call if it sees some unusual activity on one of your cards? I'm shocked Verizon Wireless didn't dial up just bob today to see if it was really me. For a telephone that sees virtually no calling in any month, it had to have looked like someone had found or stolen my phone and was going insane.

I spent four hours today at the local Obama Campaign Office phone calling likely voters in swing states. If you look at the photo, there were four rooms just like this in the office. All the sign-up sheets indicated there was space for 100 callers total, and every room was full. The rooms were alive with activity. Young and old, men and women, gay and straight, and a host of nationalites that would rival the United Nations. Every chair had a caller in it, people sat on the floor, and some went outside to bask in the sun, smoke their cigarettes and make their calls. There were also children of the volunteers doing their part by handing out water, refilling candy bowls, and generally being an inspiration for the adults. There was a mix of new volunteers and seasoned veterans, with the newbies learning from those who knew the gameplan. Everyone wears a name tag, so you can make new acquaintences easier. My tag said "Bob the Caller."

The day started for me at 11:00am (2pm Eastern), talking with voters in North Carolina. There was still early voting today in that state, so the push was to get people to vote today. If they already voted, we asked them to encourage their friends and family to vote. If they were undecided, most of us went off script and spoke from the heart on why we're voting for Obama. If they were voting Election Day, we made sure they knew their polling place, its hours, what ID they needed to bring, and even gave them a number to call if they needed a ride to the polls. After a few awkward first calls, I eventually settled into a rhythm and the whole thing became as natural as cold-calling a stranger can be. I got through my one call sheet for North Carolina and then was off to Florida. As the day wore on, I found myself chatting with voters in Missouri, Colorado, and finally in Nevada as my four hour shift ended a little late at 3:30pm. I wanted to finish out my last call sheet before leaving.

I must have made what seemed like 200 calls over that four hours. I left countless voice mails, spoke with enthusiastic Obama voters, offered my opinion to undecided voters, got hung up on many times, thanked McCain voters for their time and wished them a nice day, and got bitched out plenty by frustrated voters. I felt badly the most for those folks. Many of the them are simply tired of being called by both sides. "Will all of you people please quit calling me?" I heard that a lot. They shared their stories of getting three or four calls a day sometimes between the two candidates. I often needed a minute to recover from some of the uglier responses I got. Working in a service industry, I fell back on my "it's not personal" mantra and rationalized they weren't angry with me, but with the process. Sometimes I would take a break after a call, shake my head and say out loud, "How can you still be undecided after 18 months of this?" It was cathartic for me and a sentiment shared by everyone else at the table.

I sat with some wonderful people while making the calls. The room was extremely loud all of the time. There was the mother and her son who sat to my left for the first hour. She called while he sat dutifully finishing his homework for Monday. He took the time away from his schoolwork to go to the kitchen and bring back bottled water for all of us and refill the candy dish. I suspect he was motivated by the leftover Halloween goodies in the back, but the water was much appreciated. You do get thirsty talking nonstop for hours. I got to meet another lady who had just finished early voting and was so excited to cast her ballot. She was replacing her husband, who then was going off to vote early himself. They had matching Obama/Biden t-shirts, which was kind of cute. There was the African-American girl, probably in her early 20's, who had never volunteered before. She was afraid to use her personal cellphone because her employer paid the bill and she didn't want to get into trouble. She got a campaign office cell phone to use. She was very nervous to start, but like everyone else settled down after a few calls. People came and went throughout the afternoon, giving as much or as little time as they could. As the room would thin out, another wave of newly trained callers would fill the empty chairs. Wisely, there were enough power strips for people to plug in and charge their cellphones while continuing to call. I was lucky to get the primo-cool room. Other rooms were downright hot with all of the people in them, but mine was wonderfully comfortable.

I don't know how much I helped or hurt the cause today. It was great to hear all of those people who had already voted for Obama or were eagerly waiting for their opportunity on Tuesday. I hope my heartfelt words swayed the undecided voters in the correct direction. I worry about the angry people, exasperated by all of the phone calls who may either vote for McCain or not at all. I tried to sympathize with them and apologize for being the latest in a long line of callers. Some appreciated it, while others just stayed bitter and angry. But there was never time to fret over it, another voter in another city awaited on the call list.

I do know I'll be back Monday night after work. To borrow a horse racing analogy, Monday will be like rounding the final turn with Tuesday being the stretch to the wire. I'm taking a vacation day at work Tuesday so I can volunteer wherever the campaign needs me. Now is not the time to leave anything behind. It's time give everything I've got and work for the change we can all believe in.

Grounded...

Doesn't look like I'll be able to make it over to Nevada to campaign this weekend. Below is the forecast for the Truckee/Soda Springs pass through the Sierra Mountains. I'm not going to try driving through this weather forecast. I'd actually like to live to see an Obama Administration. So instead, I'll phone bank locally at Obama HQ as much as I can.

.... WINTER STORM WARNING REMAINS IN EFFECT FROM 10 AM PDT SATURDAY TO 10 AM PST SUNDAY...
A WINTER STORM WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW AND GUSTY WINDS MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE EXPECTED OR OCCURRING. SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW OR BLOWING SNOW ARE FORECAST THAT WILL MAKE TRAVEL DANGEROUS. ONLY TRAVEL IN AN EMERGENCY. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL... KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT... FOOD... AND WATER IN YOUR VEHICLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY

	Rest of Tonight Rain and snow likely. Snow level 8500 feet. Snow accumulation up to 1 inch. Lows 37 to 47. South winds 10 to 20 mph with gusts up to 30 mph. Ridge gusts up to 80 mph.
	Saturday Breezy with rain and snow. Snow level 8500 feet. Snow accumulation up to 6 inches. Highs 43 to 53. South winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 45 mph. Ridge gusts up to 95 mph.
	Saturday Night Breezy with rain and snow. Snow level 8500 feet lowering to 7500 feet. Snow accumulation up to a foot above 8000 feet. Lows 24 to 34. Southwest winds 15 to 25 mph with gusts up to 40 mph. Ridge gusts up to 95 mph