Bowls watched so far
I've stolen this from whatigotsofar...
1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
I started a blog.
2. Did you keep your New Years’ resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I don't make resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Yes.
5. What countries did you visit?
Just the motherland... the United States of America.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
A rewarding, fulfilling workplace.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 19th... my one year of probation ended.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I obtained the designation of Certified Facilities Executive (CFE)
9. What was your biggest failure?
Not making a bigger dent in reducing my debt.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My bad back flared up a few times, but nothing out of the ordinary.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
A plane ticket to visit my family.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
This is a weird question. I guess Barack Obama.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Elsie.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent and retiring credit card debt.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Elsie.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Shattered by O.A.R.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: Happier or sadder? Thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?
Sadder, thinner (by about 20 lbs.), poorer in my 401(k).
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Golf.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Work.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas alone, grocery shopping and making jambalaya.
21. Did you meet/date anyone special in 2008?
Yes, briefly.
[22 was missing]
23. How many one-night stands?
None.
24. What was your favorite TV program?
I just picked up an obsession for re-runs of House. How have I missed this show for so long?
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Yes.
26. What was the best book you read?
The Audacity of Hope by President-elect Barack Obama.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
A new find is Cross Canadian Ragweed but I would be remiss if I didn't put in a plug for The Band of Heathens.
28. What did you want and get?
New pots and pans (Thanks just mom).
29. What did you want and not get?
A new job.
30. What was your favorite film of this year?
I don't go to the movies.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 41. It was a Sunday so I likely didn't do much of anything.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
A new environment.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Sneakers with dress slacks on casual Friday.
34. What kept you sane?
I haven't been sane for quite some time. I'm not really sure what kept my head above water in regards to my depression.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Tina Fey as Sarah Palin.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
The Presidential Election (of course). Second would be Proposition H8 in California.
[37 was missing]
38. Who was the best new person you met?
I didn't actually "meet" them, but the followers of this blog and the regulars at the Wild Onion Cafe.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Frogs can't swallow with their eyes open.
Take one College Bowl game....
Plus one good Florida State Seminoles football team...
and you get
One dead Bucky the Badger from Wisconsin
Florida State Seminoles - 42
Wisconsin Badgers - 13
Go 'Noles!!!
just bob's jambalaya
2 tbs cooking oil
1 lb meat
1 lb another meat
Today we'll be doing 1 lb of kielbasa and 1 lb of linguica (ask Sausage Mechanic). Alternative ideas include andouille sausage, ham, chicken, shrimp, scallops, crawfish, etc. I suggest two distinctly different meats, preferably one spicy sausage + one other.)
2 medium yellow onions, chopped
1 green pepper, chopped
1 cup chopped celery (about 3 stalks)
3 cloves garlic (minced)
3 cups chicken broth
1 can (16 oz.) whole, peeled tomatoes
2 bay leaves
1 tablespoon Tabasco Sauce
1 teaspoon Thyme Leaves
1/8 teaspoon allspice
1 1/2 cups uncooked rice
Over medium heat in a dutch oven, heat cooking oil and brown 2 lbs. of meat. Add the "Holy Trinity" (onions, green pepper and celery) and garlic. Cook 8-12 minutes or until the vegetables are tender.
Add tomatoes, Tabasco, chicken broth, bay leaves, and spices. Simmer uncovered just under a boil for 10-15 minutes.
Add rice and cover. Reduce heat to medium and simmer for 10-15 minutes or until the rice is completely cooked and tender.
Remove bay leaves. Ideally there should be some liquid remaining but not too much. It should be moist, but not soup-like. Serve in bowls with Tabasco on the side for those who like it spicier.
Right around this holiday time in 1999 I strolled into Red's Shoe Barn in Dover, New Hampshire. Red's is just what you might imagine it to be. The building is red and looks a little like a barn, but inside is aisles upon aisles of discount shoes. I had just moved there at the beginning of the month and went into the store looking for a pair of winter boots. I never did find any boots that I liked, but while I was there I ended up purchasing a pair of brown dress shoes. For me, shoes are not an impulse buy or a fashion accessory. The extent of my shoe closet is black dress shoes, brown dress shoes, golf shoes, sneakers, and slippers... that's it. As you can tell, if I bought a pair of brown shoes it was clearly because I needed them.
The years and miles have taken their toll on those size 9's from Red's. They've seen too many basketball and hockey games to count and been x-rayed at airport security checkpoints across the country. They've endured temperatures well below zero and above 100, and survived both blizzards and downpours. They've attended at least 18 different conventions in 14 different states and two countries, funerals for people who left far too early in life, and one memorable evening meeting former President Bill Clinton. The suede has been stained by beer spilled over a raucous laugh with friends and the thick rubber soles have been worn traversing miles of hallways and concourses. Through it all, these Dexter's took everything in stride and bounced back the next day for more.
But the time had finally come to retire these always reliable friends of the feet. When I brought them home that wintry night, I never would have imagined the places they would go or the experiences they would have. This past weekend I made my way to the Rockport Outlet Store and purchased a new pair of brown shoes. I can only hope that this pair has as many memorable (and hopefully joyous) miles in them as my last purchase.
"K" was a female friend from work who was temporarily living with the company General Manager, his wife, and their two young daughters. I spent a great deal of time with "K," both at work and away from the office. It was a very small office staff, so we worked on many things together and often covered for each other when the other was off handling one of their numerous duties.
As time went on, we came to trust and rely upon each other and became very good friends, nothing more. From time to time we'd go out for a drink together at a local watering hole. It was always very informal, and inevitably we would bump into mutual friends making it more of a group outing than just the two of us. I had always considered "K" an attractive woman. She was athletic and had long blonde hair which she usually wore pulled back into a ponytail. She was probably a little less dedicated to the job than I was, but she was serious about excelling at it.
It was a cold January weekend afternoon in 1995. Cold is a relative term seeing as how it was South Florida and probably in the 50's. But for those of us who lived down there year round, it was bitterly uncomfortable. The GM was out of town on a road trip. His wife was suffering from a migraine headache, so "K" volunteered to look after the girls for the afternoon. She was always very comfortable around the girls, almost like a big sister to them. "K" called me and asked if I wanted to tag along with them as they went to the beach. It was a bit too chilly for my taste, but she talked me into it and I headed up the road and joined them. Out in the sun, it actually wasn't too bad. The warmth of the sun on the sandy beach and warm ocean water were the recipe for a nice afternoon. As the afternoon started to wind down, we walked what would have been a few blocks along the beach to the large beach resort. The hotel was a U shaped property, with a swimming pool and outdoor tiki bar in the middle of the resort looking out toward the ocean. Although it was the peak tourist season, there were not many people out by the pool as the sun was setting and the temperature was starting to dip again.
The girls wanted to go swimming in the pool, so "K" took them over while I settled in at the Tiki Bar to get a tropical rum drink and watch the late NFL playoff games on TV. I tried to situate myself in one of the last slivers of sunlight slipping between the hotel buildings while still having a view of the television. It also afforded me an indirect view of the pool. As I sat getting increasingly colder from the combination of a wet swimsuit and a chilly breeze, I lost interest in the football game and spent most of my time watching "K" and the girls in the pool. I watched how she took time with both of them, paying equal attention to both. I saw how she was patiently teaching the younger of the two how to swim. Slowly, the way I had viewed "K" for all those months was being transformed in one afternoon. She no longer seemed like the girls older sister, but appeared more like a motherly figure. I began to see "K" as a woman who I was becoming more attracted to and one who could be a wonderful mother to her own children someday. In that one moment at the Tiki Bar, I knew I wanted "K" to be a girlfriend, not just a girl friend. I knew, for the first time, I would take that chance. On an afternoon that I needed to be talked into, my life was changed for all time. Things have not been the same after that weekend. The memories of that afternoon and what resulted from it are woven into my history like the palm leaves that made up the Tiki Bar.
So I was at home today drinking and goofing off having brought work with me when I got a knock on my door. I put down my Tanqueray and tonic budget file and got up to see who the heck was expecting me to be home in the middle of the day.
G'day mate!
Who the hell are you?
Why, I'm Pete the Postie. I've come many miles to deliver to you this important and quite valuable package.
Where's my regular mail man, Pedro the Postman?
Well mate, I don't right know... but this isn't your normal kind of delivery.
I could tell that when you pulled up riding that scooter.
Standard issue mate. We all ride these.
It's no where near as cool as a big brown truck. What have you got for me? Is it a bailout?
Afraid there's no bailout mate. The fair Kylie from a land far away has dispatched me to your country to assure prompt and secure delivery of these bundles.
Wow, she's serious about this contest prize thing isn't she?
Indeed mate. I've got more of them on the cycle.
Is this your first stop?
Ah no. I was down the road a piece and made my first drop off to a rather odd bloke who lives on top of mountain in the middle of the woods.
That must have been Zach.
I believe that was his name. He seemed all consumed with fixing some truck that wasn't running. He's a right nice bloke. He even set up my friend Skippy with a drink for the road.
Yep. That was definitely Zach.
It's not proper for me to be partaking while driving, but Skippy seems to be enjoying the refreshment.
Yeah, not a good idea riding that scooter with a buzz. What's that bear doing with you?
He's not a bear. That's Keith the Koala. He's my navigator.
Whatever. Where you off to next Pete the Postie?
I'm off to find some lass named Blottie. Any chance you heard of her?
Everyone knows Blottie. Tell Keith the Koala to head north and look for I-80.
Thanks chap.
No problem. Look for a house with lots of holiday decorations on the entry. You may want Keith to stay on the scooter for that delivery.
Why is that?
She's got animals. Lots of them. Too many kitties to count, a dog, and a few stray turkeys roaming in her back yard. They may not take kindly to the bear.
He's not a bear.
Whatever Pete. Good luck with the rest of those bundles. Tell the fair Kylie thanks when you get back home.
Will do mate. G'day!!!
Thanks Kylie!!!
It was snowing when I arrived Friday night. When I woke up Saturday morning there was about two inches on the ground. The highs were in the 20's and the lows in single digits the whole time I was there.
The blue/white truck belongs to the next door neighbor Darren. He's a 20-something year old who has a bunch of toys like a boat and snowmobile. His favorite is a four-wheel ATV which has a plow attachment. He plows the sidewalks up and down the street just for fun. He also clears my mother's driveway when he has the time, which I greatly appreciate. I've never met him, but just mom says he's a very nice young man.
The white truck across the street belongs to the new neighbors. They may be a little bit on the trashy side. Apparently their first week in the new house they strung a wire between two trees in the front yard and hung up there laundry to dry. You can't see the red AMC Gremlin which has been sitting in their driveway un-driven since they moved in.
Sam out in the back yard. He's a husky mix, so he spends a lot of time in the winter out in the snow. He'll spend hours out there rolling around and playing in the snow.
Sally out in the back yard sniffing around. She doesn't spend as much time out there as Sam. However, she likes to bark at the squirrels which built their winter nest high in big fir tree out there. This was my alarm clock two of the mornings I was there.
Monday night into Tuesday morning was the first big snowfall of the winter. It was about 6 to 8 inches of the white stuff. My flight home left Tuesday afternoon so I woke up early to get a head start on the snow. This is the front steps after clearing the snow and spreading the deicer.
I also cleared the driveway. Armed with the snow shovel, it took about ninety minutes to finish the job. I was starting to run out of places to put all of the snow. It wasn't a great job, but it was good enough to get the car out of the garage to get to the airport.
And since everyone asked (yes, just mom made it for me)...
Hamburger Noodle Hot Dish
1 lb. Hamburger (or Ground Turkey)
4 oz. Cooked Egg Noodles (wide)
1 can Cream of Mushroom Soup
1 cup Green Peas
1 cup Diced Onions
1/2 cup Milk
2/3 cup Grated Cheddar Cheese
1 cup Chow Mein Noodles
Salt/pepper to taste
Brown hamburger and onions. In a separate bowl, mix all other ingredients (except chow mein noodles). Preheat oven to 300-degrees. In a greased casserole dish, combine hamburger and noodle mixture. Add chow mein noodles to top of dish. Bake uncovered for 30 minutes.
You are a Golden Retriever! Laid-back, sociable and well-groomed, you've got your own hip little pack of groupies who just love to be around you. You have a brain inside that adorable little head of yours, though you use it mostly to organize your hectic social calendar. You never poop out at parties, and since you're popular with ladies and men, as well as children and adults, you dish out your wit, charm and luck to whomever is close enough to bask in it. The top dog likes you and wants to be your best friend, despite the fact that he doesn't really know what the heck you do. No one does, in fact, but everyone loves you all the same. A true foodie, you’ve got your keen ears fine-tuned to make sure you don't miss out on the opening of a trendy new place to nosh. But your youthful days of being able to wolf down food 24-7 are wagging behind you, meaning you've got to watch what you eat so you don’t pull a Brando and outgrow your coats. Visit Dogster.com to find out what breed you are.
I'm back
I've got a half-ton of gmail to get through...
I've got a ton of work email to get through...
I've got a stack of bills and paperwork here in the office to muddle through...
There are 151 new blog posts that I'm following to read at some point...
There's cat poop all over my blog. Geez Suzanne, couldn't you at least have put down a litter box??? And where did all these flies come from???
Hopefully I'll be back tonight with something more.
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I often forget I'm one third of this blog. I think I'm here for entertainment value. So here it goes. Sage looking for a fly. We don't have a fly issue here in CA and rarely get a fly in the house. We did on this day and that poor kitty went sort of nutty.
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Yup...thought it was in the container.+-+Mid+August+2008+043.jpg)
Nope. Wasn't.+-+Mid+August+2008+044.jpg)
Sage, honey, darlin', it's between the container and the window. Here honey, let mommy get it for you. Saves fly and puts it outside. Apparently there will be no more questions so here goes.
1. Paco asks... Where do you like to scratch?
Hola Paco. I like to scratch where it itches. I also like to scratch in public because that really turns on the ladies.
2. Annie Ha asks... What is your favorite thing about the city in which you live?
The weather. That's the only thing good about it.
3. Annie Ha also asks... When is the last time you wore a tuxedo?
I've never worn a tuxedo in my life. I hope to keep it that way.
4. Robyn asks... What is your all time favorite comfort food?
My mother makes a casserole with ground beef, egg noodles, and mushrooms that is to die for. I don't know if it even has a name, but she makes it every time I go home to visit.
5. Robyn also asks... And when was the last time you went out on a date?
January of 2008. As you can see, I've given up.
6. Leah asks... What's your favorite holiday and why?
Technically this is two questions, but I'll let it slide given Suzanne's list of inquiries. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. That is because it was generally the only holiday that both my parents had off from work at the same time. They both worked for the telephone company and more often than not one of them had to work the other holidays. Oh yeah, I really really like turkey too.
7. Leah also asks... What was the best gift you ever got?
A few years ago my employees got me a Sirius Satellite Radio kit for my car. The fact that it was totally unexpected and that I had wanted one made it very special for me.
8. Merely Me asks... If you were to walk onto the "Jeopardy" (game show) stage of life - what five categories would make you say, "Woo Hoo! I got this one nailed!"
Golf Trivia, U.S. State Capitals, Animal House Quotes, M*A*S*H Trivia, Mental Illness
9. Merely Me also asks... Who knows you better and why? Your friends, internet friends or family?
Again, this is two questions but here goes. My internet friends know more things about me than I suspect my family knows. That's because I wouldn't want to disappoint my mother.
10. Catscratch Diva asks... If you could describe your absolute DREAM JOB, what would it be?
This question is ironic because Inner Voices posed it the other day. My dream job would be to caddy on the PGA Tour, preferably for someone who wins a lot of money.
11. Catscratch Diva also asks... Do you ever wish you could go back to your childhood/teen years?
Yes to my childhood years, no to my teen years.
12. Chasing Libby asks... Would you rather be told i want you or i need you? (got this from another blogger, but i find it interesting)
First off, thank you for de-lurking Libby. I've never been told either "I want you" or "I need you" unless you count "I want you to get away from me" or "I need you to go now." If I had to take a guess, I'd prefer to hear "I want you" but never will.
13. Chasing Libby also asks... sausage or bacon?
Bacon, bacon, and more bacon.
14. Kylie asks... Today i was reading about SSB, secret single behaviour: things you do when you're alone. air guitar seems popular with the blokes. whats your SSB?
Hi Kylie. I talk to myself... a lot. Like everyone else, I sometimes get tired of hearing me.
15. Kylie also asks... smile or wink?
Hi Kylie. I'm not sure about this one. If you're asking about me, I look even dorkier than normal trying to wink so I'll say smile. If you're talking about what catches my attention, Sarah Palin has pretty much turned me off to winking the rest of my life, so it is smile again.
16. Kookaburra asks... Do you pick you nose when driving in your car?
Yes, and from my travels so do a lot of other people.
17. Kookaburra also asks... Which sock do you put on first?
The right, followed closely by the left.
18. hnter1018 asks... If you could have someone back in your life who would it be and why?
My father. He was killed when I was only 12 years old, so I didn't get to know him as an adult. There are many things messed up with me and I believe a lot of them would never have occurred if he wasn't taken away from me so early in life.
19. whatigotsofar asks... Ginger or Maryann?
Easy one... Maryann.
20. Jennifer asks... Where do butterflies go when it rains?
Hmmm, tough one. Yahoo Answers seems to think they take shelter under rocks, window ledges, large leaves, etc. Personally, I think they hang out in seedy bars drinking hard liquor, shooting pool, and smoking Marlboro Reds.
21. Penelope (cat)/Karen (human) asks... What was the last book you read?
Fire Breathing Liberal by Representative Robert Wexler (D-Florida)
22. Karen ^..^ asks... What is your favorite food?
I love spaghetti. My mom's homemade meat sauce is magnificent.
23. Megan asks... What was your best-ever Christmas present?
Either the Sirius Radio (see above) or when my brother and I got an Atari system. There were so many games that you could never get bored and that thing lasted a long, long time.
24. Megan also asks... Would you rather stay up all night and watch the dawn or go to bed early so you wake up to it?
I'm an old man and generally can't even stay awake for David Letterman. If I could, I'd rather stay up all night to watch the sunrise.
When I get 30 questions at I Got Nuthin' (currently at 24) I will answer them. In the mean time, please enjoy this edition of Blottie Asks...
#1: Why did you pick me to be Blottie?
Travel with me back in time to a post long, long ago....
#2: A There are women right on this blog who would marry you in an instant (sorry baby, I can't). B Why don't you think you are worthy and C what would you wear to the wedding and why?
A) None of the women who would "marry you in an instant" have ever seen me live and in person. That ultimately would scare any of them away and likely haunt them for life.
B) 20 years of evidence and history has proven that I am in fact undesirable. This is such an airtight case that Judge Judy couldn't even pick it apart.
C) Since there won't be a wedding that makes this portion of the question null and void.
#3: Where would you like to honeymoon? And who do you think should pay for it?
I'd have to get married to have a honeymoon. Since that won't happen, this question is also null and void.
#4: Panties or no panties?
Boxers
#5: Tolstoy or Thurber?
Tolstoy played goalie for the Toronto Maple Leafs and Thurber batted 5th for the 1955 Brooklyn Dodgers right? I'll go with Thurber because he could move the runner into scoring position with less than two outs.
#6: Deep dish pizza or New York Style pizza?
Deep dish all the way.
#7: Your dream date?
I'm undateable which makes this question null and void as well.
#8: Love. What does it mean to you?
Love is zero points in tennis.
#9: You Anon 69? 67? 55? 68? Etc.?
I sign my name to everything so no I am none of them.
#10: Your favorite flower?
Crabgrass
#11: Am I just a bad speller or simply a fast typer?
You type fast and don't review your work before hitting submit.
#12: Proof or not proof?
80-Proof
#13: Do you know how to delete forever? (Apparently not because that one's still up there. When you delete, hit backspace, you will be asked if you want to "Delete Forever." Hit "YUP!!!" And poof, just like at the Wild Onion, it's gone.)
Comment deleted
This answer has been removed by a blog administrator.
#14: Well I can't leave it on #13. Hummmmmmm, this isn't going to be as easy as I thought. Taps top lip with forefinger and looks to sky for inspiration. Okay, got it. Do you know the meaning of "importunate" without looking it up in the dictionary?
No I did not. I had to look it up.
It was Thanksgiving Day in 1990. I had graduated from college in 1989 and moved to Nevada. The company I was working for part-time in college relocated from Florida to Nevada after I graduated, and they offered me a full-time position if I made the move with them. Being young, I didn't have much money and was rooming with a co-worker who also made the move. It was my first holiday away from my family and I couldn't afford to fly home to spend Thanksgiving with them.
Growing up I learned a lot about cooking on my own, and could find my way around the kitchen fairly well on my own. Of course, Mom was queen when it came to Turkey Day, so I had no idea or clue what to do when it came to the big bird. My roommate was helpless in the kitchen, compiling more empty fast food containers than I thought humanly possible. On the big day there was no question there wouldn't be a home cooked dinner in the offing. So what would two single guys do? Of course, we went to the Las Vegas Hilton Buffet for our Thanksgiving feast. It was my worst Thanksgiving ever.
A few years later, I was back home in Florida working finally in the profession I went to college for. During one of those Thanksgivings, I invited a friend over for Thanksgiving. It was the first time our family ever celebrated the holiday with someone from outside our family. She was a co-worker that I liked a lot, and she was a long way from home herself. Someday I'll tell you more about her. It was extra special for me because I had someone there who I could share both a wonderful meal and a little more of my life than I ever had with anyone else. After dinner and helping clean up, we went for a long walk. It was Florida, so you could do that in November without freezing to death. We walked under the moonlight around the lake, and held hands most of the way. I don't even remember what we talked about during that walk, but I remember it being one of the best times of my life. We got home eventually and watched Home Alone with my mom. She spent the night, her in my bedroom and me on the couch. I thought it was the start of something special which didn't.
My final Thanksgiving memory is from 1999. I was in the process of moving from Colorado to New Hampshire. Yes, I've moved quite a bit around in my life. All of my belongings were in a moving truck, making their way across the country. I was staying at a friends guest house. It was a great place, somewhere I easily would have paid rent to stay in. It was gorgeous at the foothill of the Rocky Mountains. I spent the afternoon cleaning my former apartment, hoping to get all of my security deposit back. I scrubbed, washed, vacuumed, and returned the apartment to pristine condition while listening to the Miami Dolphins lose to the Dallas Cowboys on the radio. As day turned into night, the apartment turned dark and I had cleaned as much as I could see in the fading light. I hadn't eaten all day and was starving. The friends I was staying with had gone out of town for the holiday, but they left a note on the guest house door for me. I ventured into garage, and in the refrigerator they had left me plenty of leftovers to enjoy. Back to the guest house, I went into the kitchen to reheat them and found a bottle of wine to enjoy with my leftovers. They were so good to me. To this day, I don't think leftovers felt so good or tasted so delicious. Even though they were miles away, I never felt alone or so welcome. Oh yeah, the outdoor hot tub bubbling over and steam rising in chilly fall evening was a memorable way to end what could have been a lonesome holiday. They truly are wonderful people and great friends.
Those are few of my unconventional Thanksgivings. As I wait for this years bird to finish, I think about the things that make the holiday. It isn't food, it's the people. They, more than anything else, are what I'm thankful for.
I got nuthin'. My life is so devoid of anything interesting or intriguing that in the past week I've written about lighted crosses, toilet paper, the Butt Bandit, and toast. It worked for Random Chick back in August, so I'll give this a try now.... with some rules.
I'll answer the first 30 questions asked, no more. Each person is entitled to no more than two questions. That should give all 15 of my returning readers ample opportunity to get in a couple of queries. I'll answer everyone once the 30 questions have been posted.
Here's your chance. It may never come again so make them good.
Because Annie Ha keeps asking.....
His year long run
When I lived in the dorms in college, my roommate and I would buy our own toilet paper. This was done for a couple of reasons. First off, the public restrooms in our dorm would always be out of t.p. by end of the weekend. That meant a trek to the actual library on Sunday night or Monday morning if you needed to take care of business. With our own supply, we were well equipped should the need arise.
The second reason was that our school bought possibly the cheapest and worst t.p. on the market. This one-ply stuff was so thin you could read the newspaper through it. What it lacked in thickness it made up for it in texture. This 50-grit paper was coarse enough to do serious damage to the most paint jobs not to mention to our unmentionables.
The place I work at now is close to approaching this level of uncomfortable wiping. I know why we purchase this industrial sized and grade product, but that doesn't bring any consolation when I sit down to drop a deuce. Frequently I'll bring along the newspaper or a magazine to catch up on some business reading. On more than one occasion I've considered sacrificing a page or two in an effort to gain a measure of comfort following the momentous event. But eventually my overwhelming fear of printers ink being carcinogenic if used improperly leaves the unholy roller as the only option.
I'm not a big fan of "road games." I'd rather take care of business on my own turf. In general, things come out better in the end for me during home games. Familiar surroundings, soothing sounds, and luxurious, quilted, two-ply or three-ply toilet paper allow me the confidence to sit and smile. I'll buy generic store brand paper towels, garbage bags, household cleaners, and even cereal. I refuse to skimp when it comes to my toilet paper. There's no feeling in the world like knowing you have the home field advantage when that bathroom door closes and the pressing issues of the day weigh heavy upon you. Wiping away all those worries makes the world a better place to live.
I'm guessing about the year 2000 I moved into a position in my professional career where I was high enough up the ladder to start attending out of town conferences. Every year, a trade association of which I am a member holds their annual conference and trade show during the summer (story #1 and story #2 from this year).
A big part of the conference is the Friday Golf tournament which is a fund raiser for a charitable foundation. Since around 2002 I've been a part of a standing foursome which gets together and takes part every year. We always finish near the middle of the pack, never really contend for any of the prizes, but probably have the most fun of any of the groups. Since we're all scattered across the country, we only get to see each other a few times a year at conferences like these so we make the most of our time together.
Three years ago only three of us were able to play as the fourth had a family emergency and did not travel to the conference. We still had a great time, and made sure to drink a beer (or more) in his absence. In 2007, it again was only three of us. This time one of our group had left the industry and was no longer a part of the association. We did pick up a friend of a friend and still had a good time. This year, we didn't even play. Another one of the gang had left the business, leaving only two remaining. My other playing partner was now a part of the tournament organizing committee, which meant he couldn't play. Needless to say, the foursome that had terrorized golf courses, drink cart girls, and cigar vendors for the past six years was no longer.
The group remains friendly to this day, even though we've gone different paths and don't get the chance to see each other much anymore. Like the rest of the world, we stay in touch via email and phone calls. One thing I've noticed over the years, even when we were still playing, was that I was always the one initiating the contact with the group. Moe, Curly or Larry rarely picked up the phone or dropped an email to reach out to me, even though they spoke routinely amongst themselves. When I called, the conversations would frequently start "I was just talking to (Moe, Curly or Larry)" or "you should call more often." Apparently their phones only receive incoming calls because they never made phone calls to me. When I lost the sense that I mattered, I gave up trying to see if they would reach out to me. They did not.
I've always been somewhat on the periphery of this and other groups. I make my way through life as a fifth wheel, not really a core member of any group but someone allowed to tag along. I spend a lot of time pondering why that is. I never have come up with an answer. I have to guess that I'm lacking something to each of these groups which make me OK to bring along but not on the "must invite" list. I'm not the life of the party and I'm certainly not anywhere close to being one of the pretty people. For the guys, I'm dependable enough to get them to the next bar, pick up a tab when it's my turn, and maybe have a story to add to the conversation. For the women, I'm the safe nice guy... the one who will hold the door open, watch your bags when you go to the washroom, and will laugh along as you swoon over the hot, bad boy on the other side of the room. I'm the eggshell white paint of life... a background shade that fades from view for the more colorful fixtures of the world. Durable and dependable, I do my job and let the rest of the world shine.
Perhaps that is the moral of the story... never assume you mean as much to someone as they mean to you. After all, you may just be the eggshell white fifth wheel.
To the guy/gal that parked next to me this morning...
Your Ford Explorer is NOT a compact car you moron. Perhaps you were confused. After all, the Ford Explorer is smaller than the Ford Expedition, so maybe you were under the false impression that made it a compact. It is NOT.
Did you not see the "Compact" sign painted on the parking space? You obviously can read. You didn't park in the handicap or car pool parking places. That didn't happen by accident. You read those signs and didn't park in those spots. But there is no fine for idiots like you cramming a huge SUV into a parking spot designed for a compact car, so you went ahead and did it. I realize that if you actually had obeyed the signs that would have meant parking on the fifth floor of the garage instead of the second floor. It would have taken a whole extra five minutes out of your day to walk up and down the stairs to park in an appropriately sized parking space for that monster truck.
Next time you choose to park that behemoth in a compact spot, do your neighbors a favor and leave us some Vaseline so we can grease up and hope to slide back into our compact cars at the end of the day. If I had worn a thicker sweater today there's no way I could have gotten in the drivers door. Luckily I skipped lunch so not having that extra 1/16th of an inch around the waistline allowed me to shoehorn my way through the minuscule space between our autos. I was seriously considering the possibility that I was going to have to climb into my trunk and fold down the back seat just to be able to get into my car.
Thanks for being such a douche bag.
About one month ago, this temporary fencing was delivered across the plaza from my office building. For those of you not familiar with it, this is the type of temporary fencing that is used to secure construction sites, music festivals, and the like. It can be assembled in less than a day and doesn't cause permanent damage to grounds, asphalt parking lots, concrete, etc. I find it highly ironic that the delivery company used temporary fencing to secure the temporary fencing.
The thing is... no one knows what this fencing is for. It has sat there unused since its delivery date in the beginning of October. No one in our building ordered it. There is no pending construction on campus that would necessitate securing an active site. The jazz festival isn't until spring, so that can't be why it was delivered.
The fence suspense has me wondering what potential uses there are:
A make shift prison for those pesky squirrels running amok?
A "build it yourself" zoo kit for the biology department (tigers not included, some assembly required)?
A Ken & Barbie life size S&M dollhouse?
A border fence for a new breakaway country?
Any other ideas???
