I don't really know why, but this latest episode is hanging on much longer than it should have. The trigger wasn't too personal, at least I didn't think so. I worked on a few projects at my former employer before I left for the not-so-greener side of the fence that is California. Two of those projects have finally come to fruition with great results for them. One of them I knew was going to take a year to happen, if it ever did. When it finally came about after I had departed, I was happy for them and took a small amount of personal satisfaction that I had a small hand in starting the process. On another project, it was a longer shot of securing a certain piece of business. Literally about two years ago, I made a phone call inquiring about possibly working with this group. I sent them all of the pertinent information they needed but never heard back. It wasn't a great surprise. Two years later, they are doing some business. Much like the previous project, I smiled a small bit knowing without the initial call it probably wouldn't have happened.
Then came last week. I got an email from a former co-worker to let me know about Project "C" that they were going to start working on. Project "C" is something I had been pursuing since I arrived at my former workplace. Project "C" was something the company I worked for promised our new client at that location we would deliver. Unlike the previous two projects I mentioned above, Project "C" was something we had total control over. Our parent company owned the other entity that was necessary to make Project "C" happen. I asked my direct supervisor in year one about Project "C". When nothing happened, I asked the company President for help in year two. When nothing happened again, I asked the Chairman of the Board for help in year three. On each occasion, I was told that it wasn't possible that year. On each occasion, I reminded them it was something we promised we would deliver. I made sure our Contract Compliance Auditor included this ommission in their report hoping to get some attention from someone at corporate. Our client never mentioned it to me, the on-site manager, but I knew it was never far from their mind. It was one of my biggest frustrations.
All of the sudden, I leave and Project "C" miraculously appears. How in the world does that make me look? What must the client think about my ability? These are people I developed personal relationships with, people I very much respect and worked tirelessly for, people whose respect was important for me to have. Now I'm the guy that couldn't get Project "C" done. I never asked for much help in managing my location. I was fairly self-sufficient. The one thing I needed help on, the one thing we promised, and the one thing we had complete control over and I didn't get it. I got submarined by the company I committed twelve years of my life. And that is why I was "frustrated, upset, and infuriated all rolled up into one." It hurt me to the core, and I'm still not over it. ANY assistance in making Project "C" occur in year three and I might still be there and not in the situation I currently find myself in. So now I look bad to people I respect, was frustrated enough to have to leave, landed in a less than ideal situation, and get sucker-punched when guy #2 comes off as the hero for pulling off Project "C."
It may be a while before I can muster up any enthusiasm to find any humor or positives in life.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
And the beat goes on...
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15 comments:
I do hope it wont take too long, and I'm sorry. :(
I know this is a huge blow, Bob. It's fucked up shit like this that makes me want to blow my head off with a shot gun, but I don't. Do you know why? Because in the grand scheme of things it JUST DOESN'T MATTER! You have to find your own self-worth no matter what happens with your work. So much is out of your control and if you try to control things that are not in your control, you end up insane or depressed or royally fucked up. Finding humor in the insanity is the only way I survive. Seriously, you need to read my post on my long, sad career to give you some perspective on why I feel this way:
http://confessionsofarandomchick.blogspot.com/2008/02/long-sad-story-of-random-chicks-career.html
I've worked my fucking ass off in this stupid industry, to do my best to help clients at all costs, and I all I got was laid off. Sure, I got bonuses and even won some awards but in the end, I'm just a number. A number that can be cut, just like that. I doubt that me telling you about my career woes helped any, but just know you are not alone in your grief about work. I've been there soooo many times, where I come off looking like an idiot to the client because some dumb assess made stupid decisions. It's not worth it.
that sux
and i'm sorry
I have to agree with Random.
I mean life could be worse. A parent you love dearly could be dying at the same time that your sister is told that she only has three months to live. Yep, life suck like a big dog, but you either have to roll with it be rolled over by it. I personally choose to "ROLL WITH IT, BABY."
P.S. this comment was going to be much longer, but then I realized that it would have been insensitive and too much information.
Just remember to believe in karma.
What comes around goes around and will bite whomever in the ass in the end.
Karen
WOW! Bob...that really does take the wind out from one's sail! I am really very sorry that you had to experience this.
I figured something really big must have transpired because I haven't seen you comment on my blog in days (thinking it was something I had done...) but realize what you have just gone through.
Professionally, this really is rotten to the core and they totally did you dirty. These type of things happen almost daily...some so & so steps in and takes all the hard earned credit.
I can't express how very sorry that this has happened to you. If there is anything I can do please let me know...I am right here!
And if it's worth anything (I know I am not Blottie,RC,Cecile...your fav. girls) but you really are a great guy and they will get their's in the end. Maybe not right now...but what goes around comes around. I truly believe that their time will come. And that some good will come out of this for you. I do hope you find your humor again and your 'funny bone'. I for one have missed you. Chin up doll...this too shall pass (might take some time...but it will).
One of your faithful ten!
And if you want to escape for a bit I just had a mystery trip...(but maybe those aren't your thing...)just thought it would help you get your mind off some things! Take care!
What a downer.
Just remember that YOU wanted to do a good job. And that you are clearly capable of it too.
Your client knows that too.
Onward, sir, onward.......
I'm sorry, Bob. Random Chick is right.
Plus, I think people know you were doing your best. They know that it takes groundwork to get things going. You have no control over the outcome (a sucky thing in and of itself, with all the work you put into it).
The more distance you can get from this crap, the better. Distance helps. Really.
Well hell, I agree with everyone. There's a lot of wisdom on this here page. Inhale, exhale, then really read the words. No, I mean, really. Don't skim.
I'll tell you a secret. The older you get the less you hold on to stupid stuff because it's simply baggage and very heavy. It's hard to drag around so much crap and live a life too. You'll reach a point where you just throw your hands in the air, accept the life you've been given and feel grateful it didn't kill you. And then the good life begins. Why? Because you feel less burdened and you're able to accept that life is about lessons, moving on, learning, growing. Life isn't easy honey. It isn't supposed to be. This is a personal journey and on it you find, well...you. It's only as difficult as you make it. I think that you have wrapped yourself so tightly around what you do as a profession, you fail to realize you're fine as Just Bob. You are a terrific guy and we all know it, and why you can't see yourself beyond what you do pains me. Disappointment exists in all phases of life, but you pick yourself up and move on. I hope that's what you do because I hate seeing you so sad. We all just love you to death and I know we all worry. So honey, please just try to accept the past as the past because it's over, you can't change it, but you can shape your future. And one more thing. If life hadn't taken twists and turns you wouldn't be in CA and you wouldn't know any of us because you wouldn't have this blog. I think we're worth this blog and worthy of friendship. Don't you? And I would never have won the Blottie Award.
Much love,
Me
Damn Suzanne. That was awesome. I learned some stuff too.
Thank you, Suzanne.
And thank you, Bob. If you hadn't written this post, I wouldn't be thinking about all this stuff. And today, I have shitloads of work to do and I hate it all. Every damn fricking email campaign. But after I read all this and realize how wonderful YOU and all our blogging buddies are, I can pick my head up, write some crap about enterprise software, and get on with my life.
Muwah to you all!!!
XOXOXO
RC
Random Chick,
MUWAH back to you baby! I was hoping you'd read it before I deleted!!! Yup, I actually came back here to delete because I woke this morning thinking, "Am I too pushy? Why not just leave him alone." Well my morning's been so busy this was the earliest I could get here (morning from hell), and you know what? I'm glad. Earlier I was in such a rush I would have just hurried in, hit delete and hurried out, but I'm trying to scarf down lunch as I write this, so I had a few minutes to reread everything, including my comment. It isn't as bad as I thought. So I'm leavin' it honey. I'm grateful it helped you because when I wrote it I was also thinking of you. I just adore the hell out of both of you and agree that everyone on this page is awesome.
Bob, you're a lucky man!!!!! And R.C. get over here you little cutie pie cuz I'm gonna plant a big old smacker on your cheek. In fact, let's all huddle...GROUP HUG ON JUST BOB'S COMMENT PAGE!
Have a beautiful day everyone and please don't forget to stop by the Wild Onion to wish Jo a Happy Birthday and to help out behind the bar because Bob isn't available this week. I'll get the birthday post up as soon as I have a few minutes to come up for air. It really is going to be wonderful, if I do say so myself!
XO to all
:)
Excuse all typos, no time to proof.
Hey, it's Jo's birthday. At least stop by, grab something and say hi. Don't make me come down there.
One other way to look at it is that you did everything you were supposed to do, and the client is finally getting what they need now, so nobody's worse for wear - except the people above you who weren't doing their jobs when you were there.
This can always happen. You did what you were supposed to do, raised the amount of hell that was appropriate, and that's really all you could have done.
Well, except maybe quit. Which is probably one reason why you're grumpy about it now - because you worked at a company for 12 years and probably somewhere around year 9 you should have packed it in and stopped beating your head against that brick wall.
Who knows? Maybe you leaving is what actually started the wheels that got Project "C" off the ground.
There comes a time at any job (unless you're the boss) when there something that you know, just because you're competent at your job, MUST be done. If the guy above you won't get it done, you can only beat your head against a wall a couple of times before you just have to resign yourself to the truth.
The company that you're working for isn't the company that you should be working for.
My only bit of constructive advice about this is next time you find yourself in this situation, start looking for a new job well before the frustration sets in.
So...umm...you let the frustration from one non-completion drive you to change your life?! It must have been the needle in the haystack and you finally stepped on it, got your foot infected, and let the crap poison your brain??? Don't let the fact that the project got delivered after you left bother you. After all it might not have happened without your pursuing it so diligently. Shit happens. No kidding. You are just a number in the corporate world and no one is going to give you the kudos you deserve except for you. Don't worry though, they'll have a bad day and kick you in the ass even if you haven't done anything just so they can kick. So clear away that pity party, hold your head up high and realize how much "you kick ass" because that project would not have/could not have come to fruition without all your damn work!
'Carry on Jolly-o!' (To be said with a flippant, 'tude that shows you are in control and on top of this crazy ass world!)
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