Saturday, February 14, 2009

The last valentine

In the weeks since that Sunday afternoon at the Tiki Bar, "K" and I had become closer and more than just friends. While remaining discreet and professional at work, the two of us were growing much fonder of each other. The time we spent together slowly moved away from two platonic co-workers and more towards two young adults enjoying the company of one another. Going out for dinner, or drinks, or a movie became more frequent. We started to choose places a little off the beaten path, seeking out privacy and avoiding the normal haunts where running into friends meant a group evening. As time went on, we had a standing Sunday 2:00pm date at that Tiki Bar. It was the first time we would attach the word date to anything we did, eschewing the phrase go out that we had used so often in the past. Those moments were filled with laughter at funny stories, and deep discussions about our goals and futures. We'd gaze intently at each other, hold hands, and play a flirty game of footsies under the table after one too many daiquiri's. As sun went down on those Sunday evenings, a kiss goodnight became something more than a peck on the cheek. The more we saw each other, the longer those goodbyes would linger on with a mutual closeness and growing attraction.

As the calendar turned to February, my thoughts turned to Valentine's Day. I had never had someone who I felt deeply about in my life to share the holiday, and I wanted it to be special. It should be simple yet significant I believed. A day filled with words and small gestures at work and a memorable evening to show "K" how important she had become to me. I picked her up for work in the morning bearing a single, purple rose. The uniqueness of the color set it aside from the more prevalent red, pink, or white roses. I wasn't sure if her reaction was more surprised or touched by the gesture. We had been keeping things quiet and discreet at the office, so anything I may have wanted to do there would be low key. It was the simple gesture of hiding a package of her beloved Fig Newtons in her top desk drawer for her discovery upon returning from a meeting that brought yet another smile to her face. "K" was surely more touched than surprised.

With the General Manager out of town, we availed ourselves of the opportunity to sneak out of the office early in the afternoon. We drove down to the marina on Singer Island and walked amongst the docked boats, sharing stories of our days on the water, her in New England and me in Florida. Although the experiences were much different, that was one thing we shared, having the water in our lives from an early age. We walked, we talked, and eventually found our way to a park bench overlooking the inlet and watched the sun sink slowly over the horizon. "K" and I made our way across the island to the beach resort hotel. We started with a drink at what had become our place, the Tiki Bar. We continued our evening inside the posh hotel at their restaurant. It was a semi-upscale seafood establishment which served outrageously good food. On the salary that I was making at the time, it was somewhat pricey but both of us had enjoyed our less expensive lunch experiences there in the past. It was my chance to splurge for the first time on Valentine's Day, and I wasn't going to risk it on a place that either of us might not have liked. We ordered a bottle of wine and toasted each other in the candlelit corner booth while the entrees were being prepared. The soft light accentuating her green eyes, her long blond hair pulled back like she always wore it, and the naturalness and comfort I felt being around her was everything any man could ever hope to find in a woman.

We finished the last of the wine with dinner. The meal was exquisitely prepared and extraordinarily delicious. "K" always had a bit of a sweet tooth, so we shared a dessert to culminate a wonderful dining experience. While exiting the restaurant, "K" spontaneously decided she wanted to take a walk on the beach. It was a chilly evening, with a cool sea breeze blowing gently off the ocean. As we walked holding hands, the only sound that could be heard was the waves ripple as they met the shoreline. Moonlight bathed the beach and the stars shone overhead as the lights from the resort grew fainter as we strolled further down the coast. Spurred on from our bottle of wine, "K" let go of my hand and began to playfully run down the shore, looking back over her shoulder to make sure I was intent on chasing after her. She weaved and darted, changing directions to be just evasive enough to keep the game going for a time. Eventually, I chased her down and with my arms securely around her waist tackled her to the sandy beach. We laughed and giggled and gazed into each other eyes. We kissed, gently at first but as the passion grew so did our intensity. It was reminiscent of the famous scene from the classic From Here To Eternity.

We rolled around in the sand, going as far as any two people could without undressing. As the intensity ebbed, I was ready to invite her back to the resort where I had made a room reservation for Valentine's night. It was meant to be the first time we would "be together." As we lay on the beach and before I could reveal my final surprise, she said we needed to talk. It was then that she chose to tell me she wanted us to be just friends. A friendship that had grown into a relationship, a day that started with a single rose and grew to a crescendo of nearly sharing the ultimate display of closeness and passion, was dashed in a single, heartbreaking moment. I was in shock and could barely breathe and struggled to speak. I'm sure I uttered something incoherent about my hoping we could continue to be more but that we'd always be friends. For all the vivid memories of that day, I honestly can not recall anything I may have said.

We walked back to the car and I drove her the few short blocks back home. A short hug, but no kiss, on the doorstep and I was on my way home. I was numb the entire drive, my heart ripped wide open. The overnight bag stayed in the trunk, the hotel room remained unoccupied. We did stay friends for a while, but things were never the same after that night on the beach. Fourteen years ago, that was the first and last Valentine's Day I have ever celebrated.

14 comments:

kylie said...

oh no.
bob, i can only say i'm sorry.

how awful.

hugs
k

Anonymous said...

Ok- 3rd attempt ( nervous and hoping not to sound presumptious and facile)-

For one who calls himself a cynic, this speaks from the heart. Such an honest post deserves an honest comment.

First response: Ouch! What a b****!
Bad timing!

Then sadness that this has affected you over 14 years.

Then realisation that I (and no doubt other women) have been in k's shoes. Enjoying a developing friendship with a good, sincere man, realising that you probably do not feel the same as he does, wondering how to tell him without hurting him, not wanting to lose his friendship, not having the moral courage to be straight with him, ending up with messy timing.

Heartbreakers get their hearts broken too. I don't think I could ever again commit to someone the way I committed to my husband, who broke my heart when he had an affair. Such brokenness affects all one's future and the future of one's children. Cliche- but the effects are subtle, terrible, pervasive and longlasting. Not even forgiveness heals the fractures.

Valentine's Day is just media hype after all. I like RC's take on it- to celebrate the spirit of it- with friends.

Leah said...

Well, Bob.

It's a wonderful...terrible...Valentine's Day post. It says a great deal about you, and, believe it or not as you will, all that it says about you is good.

It just leaves me more convinced than ever of your worth. You're a true romantic, the sort of man who doesn't come along very often.

Whoever is the next to experience your soul and passion in private moments...well, dear Bob, she will be the luckiest girl.

xo

Leah said...

...and once again, I've committed the cardinal sin of overwroughtness...couldn't help it...

and not to minimize the pain of this story, but gosh, it sort of makes me have a crush on you!

emoticon emoticon.

kylie said...

leah,
not overwrought, pretty much dead right
and i thought i was the only weord one who got sort-of-crushes on bloggers.
thank heavens

k

Anonymous said...

At first, I could only focus on the fact that we both used "footsie" in the same day's post. Then I felt really bad.

Poor girl doesn't know what she left behind.

Suzanne said...

I'm crying. You all know me, stuff just hurts. Oh Bob, I love you so much and this post kills me. I'm not strong like all of you. I'm a sissy. You all know that too!!! The way she hurt you hurts my heart because I love you and understand you're pain. Why do people do what they do? Who knows? But you can't let her destroy you. You've given her too many years of your life and I think writing this post is finally the end. Let her go and find your TRUE soul mate. She's out there you know. All you have to do is open your eyes darling. Just open your eyes. Whoops!!! You tripped into Leah's big boobs...whoops, into Kylie! They're married. Honey, you're going to need a flashlight!!! Work with me brotha!

I love you very much and so does everyone else on this comment page. We wouldn't steer you wrong. Not in a million years, so just relax, enjoy this wonderful day and think about the future because there is one!!! She's a cherished memory darling and now it's time to make new ones. Please open your eyes and your heart.

I love you very, very much and I love all my friends above me!

XO Blottie

P.S. Thanks for being so brave and writing an amazing post. ;)

j said...

Oh, Bob -- I admit, I don't completely understand how someone lets something go that far if they want to be friends. It must have felt like a sucker-punch to the heart.

One of the things that I find useful about writing, summing up all that bad stuff from the past, is that it enables me to leave it behind. I hope it works the same way for you, takes a bit of the sting out of what happened with K.

Oh, and this is beautifully written, totally vivid, with an ending that is as surprising to me as it must have been to you.

Megan said...

Not sure what to say.

Sorry, Bob.

Cece said...

Damn,
I'm sitting here at 1:47 am with tears streaming down my cheeks. This story made my heart ache so badly for you. I have a feeling my new post may strike a chord with you. Love can be such a beautiful disaster.

Bob, you are such a lovely man. I'm sorry that your heart has been ripped open with such furosity. They say time heals all wounds, but sometimes I think the proverbial "They" are wrong.

I'm sorry for your pain, Bob. Deeply sorry.

Suzanne said...

Hi sweetie. Are you listening? I've read every word on this comment page. Have you? Every word matters. There's so much wisdom here. I hope you listen. Do you realize how lucky we are? All of these people genuinely care about you and all on my blog care about me. How lucky can you get?

*Takes Bob's face in hands* listen darling, you'll be fine. Trust me, you will.

With much love,
Blottie

Karen ^..^ said...

This was very easy to read, then the last few paragraphs were horrifying to read. Yes, we have all been there. Some of us more than others.

I'm sorry. I hope you realize by now that it was HER loss. I know it doesn't feel that way when your heart has been ripped to shreds, but trust me, it was her loss, more so than yours. Because she led you on, accepted all those dinners, let you pay, went on all those dates, and never revealed her feelings before Valentine's day. What a bitch. Yes, she is a bitch for that. I normally know on the FIRST date whether or not I want to continue romantically with someone. I don't let it drag on and on, letting it evolve into something deeper before I eventually let them know I'm not interested in anything deeper. That way the friendship can remain intact. That way, no one gets hurt. If there are no expectations, then no one gets hurt, right? I just don't get people, what are they thinking to be so casual with someone's feelings like that???

She's an idiot, and you deserve better. We all do.

This was a beautifully written story, and I felt every single emotion. Because yes, it's happened to me.

Suzanne said...

Hi dear, just dropped by to see how you're doing. So how are you doing!!!??? I'm laughing. That's funny. You have to find the humor in stuff, otherwise you just give up.

Okay Bob, it's official. If I'm ever in deep doo-doo I want Karen to rescue me. Really. Karen, I love you woman!!!!! Why? Because you always cut through all the bullshit. Always. And Bob, you are such a lucky man. Look at this comment page. Damn!

Oh, and Bob, when you come to the house, laze around on the sofa, leave Doritos cheese behind and basicially "filth" up the place, remember, you're responsible for your actions. The washer is in the garage and so is the dryer, no coins required. Just remove the slipcover, put the new one on, wash the one you remove. No, don't give me any lip. I'm on vacation and I'm not running a freakin' resort.

Love you,
;) Blottie! XO

bindhiya said...

Dear Bob,
I'm sorry. am in tears..

People can be very selfish... I married to someone out of my culture and religion. He love me or pretend, he loves me... now where am with two little ones.. in a foreign land with no family. I sacrifice everything for my love.. this is my first love and last... i will never trust anyone.....
Thank God she didn't say that after having two babies with you..

she is not worthy of your love.. please be kind to yourself..
I don't know any of this will help you..
♥ & ((hugs))
bindi