How much is too much?
How soon is too soon?
I've pondered these questions, and others like them, for years. It seems like my total existence is sometimes predicated on a underlying foundation of uncertainty. As far back as I can remember, my adult life has been an endless series of what if's and if/then's questions. I wonder why I can't seem to be confident enough to make a decision and not over analyze it. Should I have put that extra dash of pepper in the chili? If I call today will it be too soon and make me look desperate? If I don't call today will it make me look disinterested? If I choose A over B, C, or D what will everyone think? What if I'm wrong?
We all know people who spontaneously act in certain situations. We know people who operate on instinct and don't seem to think anything out before leaping headlong into it. I'm not advocating this approach to life, but I wonder where the balance between acting and overreacting lies. Out of necessity it must be different for various times, but where is the happy medium? I wonder when thoughtful consideration crosses the line and becomes obsessive.
I feel like I get too locked up on thinking that I miss living, paralyzed with inability to let things happen naturally. Or to let things happen naturally then worry if I could have made it better. I wonder how much I haven't experienced because I spent too much time ruminating whether I should do it or not. How many opportunities have passed me by? How much stress have I needlessly placed on myself with all of this doubt? Why do I have to be so anxious all of the time?
Should I change the way I look at life? Can I ever make a life altering shift like this? I'll have to take some time to think about it.
Sunday, March 8, 2009
What if?
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22 comments:
I tend to act quickly and then worry and ruminate endlessly...
LOL, Bob, that last line was all about what the entire post was dedicated to. It made me smile. If it is in your very nature to be this way, then embrace it, don't try to change it. It's you. You are good. Just the way you are. Too many are completely INCONSIDERATE, and don't think about anyone's feelings. Just try to strike a balance that feels comfortable for you. Not everyone thinks things over so carefully, and sometimes I wish they would.
hmmmmm
i tend to do stuff then replay it to make improvements.
but thats not what i'm here to say.
i consider myself lucky that i am not, generally speaking, an anxious person but i know very well the feeling that life is passing by.
i have spent my whole married life saying "do you want to see that show?"
"lets go there"
"can we go for a drive?"
"when can we try that new restaurant?"......
and everytime (ok, most times) the answer was no. i felt it was rude or inconsiderate or just plain lonely to do these things anyway so i spent my life changing nappies and watching crappy tv.
eventually i realised that i had to take control of things a little better. i'm still not good at it, it still scares me but i am managing to make a few memories rather than just stay home.
just break out a teeny bit, bob
you might be grateful
lots of love
k
Hi Bob.
I'll be back.
XO
Hi, Bob.
i think i ping-pong between overthinking things and just jumping into stuff. i get into phases like jeckle/hyde.
as long as you have no regrets, however you chose to think or act, it's upto you :)
Happy Birthday Bob!
This, I don't regret as you are special and we don't want to miss your special day.
Wow, you have those questions too? I have often thought waaay too much about decisions and in the end, it turned out the way it was going to turn out no matter what I thought about it.
There is no right or wrong answers, there just is what is...I know, I sound like some kind of Zen guru or something, but it's true. When you look back on decisions you've made, did all the worrying, anticipating, thinking, and rethinking really do any good? Did it change the course of history? Probably not. It just gave you an ulcer. I know.
I have no answer to those questions. I just know that thinking too much is not good.
I'm no help. Sorry.
XOXO
Leah... the best or worst of both worlds I guess
Karen... I agree, sometimes too many people don't think enough before they act. I'll also say it's difficult being comfortable with myself much of the time. I don't know how much I can fix that.
Kyles... I'll try breaking out but it won't be easy for something so ingrained in me
Suzy... Ok, I'll be here
Megan... Hi Megalicious
Media... But what if I do have regrets?
Merelyme... Keep at it
RC... If I can ever find a way to relax and not be so anxious it would truly be a miracle. And you do help... just by writing and caring.
I can hardly wait til this birthday stuff is over so I can comment "normally"! ;)
wv: phinesse (which I so don't have)
Merely... feel free to be normal at any time!
"Enough is too much."
"How soon is now?"
I have the problem of coming up with the best thing to say the day after the thing was said that made me want to say it.
hey, wait a minute? who said my comments had to be thoughtful? dagnabit! as if they aren't limited enough already!
Bob, you're swell! Happy Birthday.
Flood warning and watch here - hope it's not all nasty where you are. It was raining here Sunday and a friend said, "Look how beautiful that is! The trees match your woodwork!" They do when the bark is wet. Someone else had to point it out to me. What if I noticed all that kind of stuff right off? Life would be boring. Sometimes you can look at things right off and notice. Sometimes you need to cow them over. (Didn't know how to spell ruminate so I used cow.)
Whatever you do is what makes you, you and the world go around.
But Bob, when someone puts a birthday cake in front of you? You are to eat it. Don't think about how it would taste. Taste it.
then you know better....hopefully next time around, you'll know what to do. i think screwing up is a good way of knowing what not to do.
Hi Bob!
Okay, I have abolutely NO time, but I'm going to bore you in about 10 paragraphs or less. Ahhhhhhhhh, just kiddin'. It's probably take 11.
I honestly think you should try "Plan B." (What? You thought I'd forget? Hardly.) If Plan B doesn't work I have a suggestion. Last night I woke around midnight and couldn't sleep, so said "What the hell" and got up. As you know all the lights in the house are on dimmers and one in particular is on a manual dimmer switch. Infact the switch controls a light for a painting and two lamps that I usually leave on (low) so the kitties can find the litter boxes (yes, I know they can see in the dark). I opened the cabinet where the control is housed because I wanted to unplug the painting light. I thought if I could unplug that and turn off one light I'd save on the electic bill. I was unable to get to the plug because a brilliant planner (me) made sure it was completely inaccessable. However, a wonderful thing happened on the way to the plug. While down on my knees and on the lowest shelf I happened upon a pile of books (yes, you know I have lots). One stood out. "Letting Go ~ A Self-Help Manual for Emotional Well-Being, Glenn B. Soberman, Ph.D." I purchased it on eBay about 4 or 5 years ago because it sounded terrific. I'd never read a self-help book and this seemed like a good place to start. It arrive and went on the shelf and there it stayed until last night.
I found myself interested from the Forward and then the first chapter absolutely captivated me. I made it to Chapter 3 before I had to go back to sleep, and enjoyed every moment. I learned SO much! Dr. Soberman rather reminds me of my darling former phychologist, Dr. Shoen. I am so eager to find the time to read the next chapter or two today. I could be doing that right now, but wanted to tell you I'll send the book when I'm though, on one condition, you send it to another of our dear friends when you're through. Trust me, you'll understand when you start reading. Give me a week or two because life is very busy right now, but I promise to send it if you're interested. I honestly think it should travel from blogging friend to blogging friend and then the last has to pay for it to be airmailed to Kylie and Mark in Australia!!!!! Glad that won't be me! It's a terrific book.
Oh my God this is so wierd. I was just looking for some information about the author to share with you and couldn't find any, so instead was looking for the number of chapters (17) and happened upon "About the Author." This world is way too small! He's in the Catskills!!! He's the Director of Center for Holistic Healing in New Paltz and Rhinebeck, NY, and is an adjunct professor in the graduate psychology dept at Marist College. Unbelievable. I'm laughing because it's just too unbelievable. I'm from the Catskills, just minutes away from New Paltz, my niece attends SUNY New Paltz, my other niece wants to attend Marist (an amazing private school) and I want to live in Rhinebeck when I return to NY!!! Destiny? Stuff like this happens to me all the time.
Bob, I would love for you to read this book. Trust me. I just have to get through it first.
Love you dear,
Blottie
P.S. No, I'm not done yet! You nutty?!!! One more thing. You're a good person and a dear friend to so many of us. We can't all be wrong!!! Can we? If I'm wrong about you I'll eat a flip flop. I don't intend to eat a flip flop. Be kind to yourself. Please.
XO
Oh, one more thing, Dr. Soberman gives his address, phone number and website. Now that's a great guy.
;)
Happy Birthday Bob!
Well Bob that is a lot to ponder. And since we are all wired differently it is hard to tell you to do it one way if you are not built that way. I get a lot of anxiety and panic attacks worrying about future events, and that is why I am medicated and talk to a therapist. Sometimes I wish I could just take my dog's approach to life and he just rolls with it no matter what the consequences. I hope you can get some clarity on what you seek.
Mr. Shife... I need to get back on meds, but it's been a nightmare trying to find a primary care doctor down here to take my crappy insurance.
Blottie... Thanks for the offer. I'd like to read that book once you are done with it. And yes, I'll pass it along to the next neurotic on the list.
Blottie again... don't worry, you won't have to eat a flip flop. They're not that tasty, even with BBQ sauce. But on the bright side, they are vegan.
This may not be what you need or want -- another book recommendation (based only on interviews I've heard and reviews): How We Decide. This is less psychological and more neuroscience. But it sounds interesting. Perhaps distracting.
I tend to just leap without thinking, which isn't always good. My husband is more on your end of things. I think a happy medium is best (and now I am distracted b/c my son stopped watching the dinosaur video and is trying to have a conversation with me about boogiemen and boogers.)
Thanks Jennifer... and BTW boogers are cool to little boys so play along.
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