The Tears of a Clown

"Now there's some sad things known to man
But ain't too much sadder than
The tears of a clown, when there's no one around"
~ Smokey Robinson ~

I stole the show again... was the talk of the campus... put on another great comedic performance. This time I got to be the sleazy promoter, the real sketchy guy putting on a concert for a diversity committee skit. It was a fun character to play and the audience really ate it up. I would be remiss if I didn't give mad props to Craig Shoemaker as some of my character was loosely based on Craig's "Lovemaster." The remainder came from the multitude of actual concert promoters I've had the privilege (or curse) of working with over the years. Not to brag, but it was good and was pretty funny... even if it wasn't close to being accurate. They'll be talking about it for months I'm sure.

But that's the outside face... a performance for an audience. Although taken to the extreme, it isn't that far off the mark. Every day at work it's more acting than reality. The immediate world sees the jokester that keeps things light... always ready with a quip or joke to make someone smile. The carefree soul that takes his job and responsibilities seriously... but can make everyone laugh or make a tense situation less severe. They don't know it's all an act... a defense mechanism to cope with thoughts and feelings that aren't meant to be shared. It's an escape to a character that's my direct opposite. It's an opportunity to be all that I am not... but wish I could be. It's an endless role in the movie that is my public life.

No one sees the tears of a clown, the tortured soul behind the makeup (or in this case the sleazy promoter). No one sees the emptiness, the desperation, the isolation, the sadness, the joylessness. I put on the character in the morning, and play out the role until the day is complete. Then the facade comes down, the defenses are lowered and the clown has fooled them for one more day. As the sun arises, the routine begins anew.