The Essence of Bobness

What does it mean to be a Bob? Afterall, Bob is not just a name, it's also a noun and verb! A great book The Bob Book was published in 1991. It's a humorous, and shockingly accurate, look at what it takes to be a Bob. It's a must read for anyone who has (or wants) a Bob in their lives.

I truly am a Bob. I only use Robert for official documents, checking accounts, business cards, etc. Robert is way too formal for me, too stuffy, and a tad bit pretentious in my mind. I mean take a look... Robert Redford, Robert De Niro, Robert Klein. Don't you think they all, in their own way, take themselves too seriously and self-important? I sometimes worry about comedian Robert Schimmel, someone I find to be very funny. From his life story and on stage comedy act, you can tell he really is a Bob. Why he insists on putting on this false air of being a Robert is beyond me. He needs to admit his Bobness or lose his true identity.

Rob is definitely out too. I could never be a Rob, although I did try the name shift when I moved from Florida to Colorado. I tried growing a mustache too. What the heck was I thinking? Rob's are way too flashy, flamboyant, and otherwise too visible and out front. Rob screams out pay attention to me. Rob Lowe is probably the best known... and look at him. Videotape scandals, nanny scandals, attention grabbing activism and a need to be the leading actor in all of his movie and TV projects. Rob Reiner is really a Robert trying to make himself fit in with rest of the world. Nope, definitely not a Rob.

Bobby is an interesting one. I've "allowed" only two people to ever call me Bobby. One was a young hockey player named Roman Hubalek. When I worked for the West Palm Beach Blaze, a minor league hockey team, Roman was a Czech born player just grasping English as a second language. He was such a nice guy, working hard to assimilate to the U.S. that I didn't have the heart to correct him. The other bestowed Bobby Rights is a woman... a co-worker who became a friend and briefly what could loosely be called a girlfriend. She's an interesting case. We'd spend a lot of time together at work... then we started spending a lot of time together away from work. Funny thing is, it was platonic for the most part. She was in a difficult place and situation; and I was probably the only male at that time that she could trust as a confidant. Our meetings were never called "dates" although dinner or drinks or movies or fill in the blank between a man and woman could technically be a "date." This separation was important to her. One night and a few drinks later two friends out on the town yielded a kiss. The next meeting yielded a few more kisses and some hand roaming. It was an unofficial date on Valentine's Day 1995 when I got the "let's just be friends" speech. I was devastated and to this day still have a bruise that hasn't fully healed. There are plenty of Bobby's out there, my two favorite being Bobby Orr and Bobby Jones. For some reason Bobby always seemed immature to me, although those two were the epitome of class and style. Early on I needed to feel grown up and I guess I never felt you could be an adult taken seriously as a Bobby. It would take a lot to allow someone else to have Bobby Rights. "Elsie" has the potential to be Bobby Worthy.

So that left me Bob. It fits, spells the same forward and backward, and makes for a nifty shorthand signature. But what does it mean to be this Bob in particular? What are some of the characteristics that are the Essence of Bobness?

• Isolation... I can be alone in a crowd of 20,000. I build a great many walls around myself, allowing only a very few people behind them (although some get a glimpse through the cracks)
• Insecurity... I'm not a self-confident person, always finding fault in myself for one thing or the other
• Depression... I live and struggle with this day-to-day, sometimes hour-to-hour. I quit taking the medication, but through therapy am able to deal with it more effectively
• Intelligence... I'm smart, sharp, and will analyze a situation rationally before reacting
• Genuine... I hate fake people and would never be one. I guess honest would fall under this too.
• Compassion... It pains me to see people disturbed or sad. I feel like I need to help them, sometimes to my own detriment
• Weight... something I've always struggled with. Today I'm tipping the scales at 210 lbs. As a teen/adult I've weighed as little as 160 lbs, as much as 235 lbs. Ideally I'd like to get to my comfort weight of 180-185. This is the second most influential factor in shaping who I am from my formative years
• Emotional... I take things very personally and invest a great deal of energy on people and events. People outside my walls don't see this.
• Introvert... I internalize most of my emotions. This blog is my attempt to start vocalizing some of my thoughts and feelings
• Anger... at myself, at others, at my situation, and sometimes at life in general
• Messy... I am not clean, organized, and definitely don't have all my shit together
• Funny... although sometimes I question whether I truly have humor in my life or it's just an act
• Serious... Ironic that I put this right next to funny, but I do take things serious... sometimes too seriously and I push "fun" aside too easily
• Romantic... the opportunity hasn't arisen much in my life, but I'm a sucker for the whole scene... music, candles, flowers, etc.
• Morality... My morals definitely do not jive with many, but I do have a code of morals and ethics I live by. They can be boiled down to "Do no harm" and "Treat others the way you want to be treated"
• Devotion... to my job, to the few people in my life, to my sports teams
• Chivalrous... I still hold the door open and pull out the chair for a lady. Manners still go a long way for me

I'm sure there is a lot more that goes into the Essence of Bobness. I wouldn't be surprised if you saw Version 2.0 or even Version 3.0 someday on this blog. But that's it for now on a contemplative Sunday morning/afternoon.