Honey, I'm Home

My baby is back!!! As has been widely reported, country singer (and Canada's greatest export) Shania Twain is getting a divorce. After denying herself true love and eternal bliss with the Essence of Bobness, my Shania has finally come to her senses and cleared herself of any impediment to our future nuptuals. To begin, she made a monumental mistake by committing herself to music producer Robert "Mutt" Lange. It was a career move for her, so I certainly don't fault her for it. She believed, incorrectly, that Mutt could take her career to the next level. He's rock, she's country/pop so I knew that it wouldn't work out. Notice how many great albums she put out in Lange's tutleage? She should have known... he's a "Robert" (not a Bob) and that meant trouble from the beginning. Don't even get me started on the whole "Mutt" thing. Ladies, never fall for a mutt unless he's on four legs and chases a frisbee around the back yard. She put her career ahead of her undying love for me.

Make no mistake about it, she absolutely adores me. Worships the ground I walk on might be too strong an expression, but it's damn close to it. I'll share with you the moment it happened, this ultimate instance of love at first sight. It was at Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre in Denver, Colorado. She was performing a concert on my birthday in May 1999. There's no doubt in anyone's mind that she specifically routed her North American tour that year to be in Denver on my birthday. In all the venues she could have been that fateful night, she chose to spend the evening with me. Anyway the group of friends I was with had seats about six rows back, right in the center section. It was a rather chilly night, many people bundled up in blankets, passing on beer and drinks for coffee and hot cocoa. She looked radiant as always, tight black slacks and a jacket to keep her warm on the cold spring evening. During her hit song You Win My Love, she made it a point to scan the entire audience of 20,000 people and find me in the sixth row. I know her stage manager must have told her where to look, on her orders of course. She belted out that song in her most heartfelt voice and looked straight at me. Even with the concert lights and flashing cameras, the unmistakable twinkle in her eyes made it well known that she picked that moment and that song to announce her unconditional yearning for me. It was a bit embarrassing, but flattering nonetheless. It was at that tenderest of moments that she was expressing her true feelings about me to the world.

So now, the future will be ours. She's in what I would call a semi-retirement and has not toured in quite a few years. It's apparent that she is ready to settle down and has come to the realization that she can no longer live the Mutt charade and deny her true feelings. I can't imagine the pain she must have been living through. Knowing in her heart that the road to her happiness was within reach, only to be kept away by a monumental mistake in judgment... her career over her heart. But all of that is in the past now. It won't be a big wedding, just the closest of our friends and family. We will share our joy with those who mean the most to us. We complete each other, and our love will shine like a beacon in the night for the world to behold.