An unsent letter

Hey there, it's me. It has been a long time but I wanted to drop you this note. Congratulations on your business and career. I imagine it has been a whirlwind of meetings, travel, and negotiations for you this past year; but I'm sure things are turning out the way you want them, even if it is not moving along as fast as you'd like.

Oh yeah, I mentioned a year. Did you know the last time I saw you was a year ago? Sure, we traded messages and emails for a while afterward but one year ago this month was the last time we met in person. I know I had a good time and was hoping that there would be many more. That was probably because you said that you'd like to see each other more frequently as well when things slowed down in your life. I understood what you meant by that. Building your business and caring for your children as a single mom was going to be a lot of hard work and hours. I totally got that. I guess my plan of maybe seeing you every other week or a few times a month was a bit off the mark.

I had no inkling that your life would not slow down in one year. Things never slowed down enough for a date. Things never slowed down for a quick glass of wine or coffee on a night when the father had the kids for the week. Things never slowed down for a chat session, racy or otherwise, as we had acquired a habit of having after the kids were in bed. I tried to be patient and understanding. I gave you some space, not wanting you to feel I was pressing too hard. Eventually my messages and emails went unanswered enough times for me to know that no response would be forthcoming.

It would have been ok to say you did not want to see me anymore. Really it would have. To drag things out and keep saying you wish you had the time didn't help me. In fact, it had the opposite effect. On top of missing out on someone I was very attracted to and felt very comfortable around (which is rare), I got the chance to be strung along and figure out myself that I had been mislead. You had always been honest in the past, so I trusted you on this. I don't know if you realize or care that it hurt me a great deal. After moving to California less than six months earlier and meeting someone I really liked so soon, I thought my life had turned around. A new year, a new job and home, and a new, special person to share it with. I thought for the first time in a long time that things were finally going my way and that there was a chance I could be happy. Guess not.

I turn on my messenger every once and a while to see if you'll stop by. You remember, right around 10 pm when you would put the kids to bed, grab a glass of wine for yourself, and pop onto the screen of my laptop. We'd chat sometimes until 2am. Sometimes we'd just catch up with each other, sometimes we'd get a little naughty, and sometimes it was a quick exchange to keep each other company on a chilly night. But I guess one year later life still hasn't slowed down enough for that either. Not even long enough to let me know you got my Happy Thanksgiving message. I hope you are happy with wherever the last 12 fast paced months have taken you. And I do mean that... it's not just a story.

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