Chuck Norris Wouldn't Cry

I can't believe I had a man actually crying in my office today. Now I'm not a heartless bastard, and think under certain circumstances that it's acceptable for a man to express strong emotions, crying included. A death in the family, getting fired, the loss of a loved one, a three run homer to lose the World Series for your favorite team are some of the more valid reasons. Thinking there was beer in the fridge when there wasn't any and going without is close to being ok. A wrecked motorcycle, no matter how expensive, is no reason for a man to cry in front of another man. Chuck Norris would never cry about a motorcycle.

This bawl fest was not coming from some kind of girly-man... this guy was in the military, had seen duty in a war zone, and carries himself with a tough guy persona. And here he is... wailing away about a motorcycle that was totaled in an accident that he was in two days ago. True, he's never going to get the full replacement value from the insurance companies and I'm sure he put a lot of sweat equity into the bike, but this is my office. I am not his friend, I am his employer and supervisor. I care about the people that work for me, but not enough to listen to them break down in my office about an inanimate object that can be replaced. How the hell am I going to get him to calm down? I've had plenty of women crying in my office and while that's not comfortable either at least it's manageable. A hug and a shoulder to cry on usually works in getting them to regain their composure. There is NO WAY I'm giving this guy a hug and a shoulder to get him to chill out.

I do feel bad for him, but for heavens sake man pull it together around another man. Sometimes, being blessed with the "y" chromosome, you need to ask yourself WWCND... What would Chuck Norris do? Chuck would never cry in front of another man about a motorcycle. Chuck likely would have hunted down the person who caused the crash and exacted his own brand of justice and retribution. Then, if the insurance company didn't pay to replace the motorcycle Chuck would hunt down the CEO and exact more justice and retribution. Going into his bosses office (although no one tells Chuck what to do) would not be on Chuck's list of things to do.

Sitting on my side of the desk, I pose the question: WWCND? Chuck may have reached across the desk and slapped some sense into him. It's not like the thought didn't cross my mind. The extended exchange, which was only about 15 minutes but felt like 15 hours, went something like this:

Why is this man crying in my office?
How am I going to get him to stop?
What time does the hockey game start tonight?
I wonder if there's still coffee left in the kitchen?
How would Chuck Norris handle this?
OMG, he's still crying
If I slap some sense into him, like Chuck would do, will I get fired?
Did I remember to defrost something for dinner tonight?
Oh good, he's calming down because I've got to pee like a race horse.

So I sit behind my desk, dutifully listening to this tale of woe, sounding like I'm more sympathetic than I am, and letting him get it out of his system. I felt like Lou Grant listening to Mary Richards drone on and on about something inconsequential. But sometimes, as a boss, that is what you've got to do... act like make what's important to someone else important to you. Even if Chuck is telling you to do something more manly.