Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Wake me up at quittin' time...

Hell to the yeah... vindicated at last. I'm a trend setter, a trail blazer, a true pioneer in employee benefits. I never would have thought my own self serving, don't give a shit attitude would have sparked a revolution. CNN ran a story today on their website on the growing trend of people sleeping at work. (Don't bother CNN with real news like 35 Articles of Impeachment against President Bush being introduced in Congress Monday. By the way, the text of the resolution can be found here.)

The article, though informative, entirely missed the mark. The so-called experts claim people don't get enough sleep at home, so they are nodding off at work. Adults need 6-8 hours of sleep a night. The U.S. is a sleep deprived nation. On the job sleepiness costs the country billions of dollars in lost productivity. Yada, Yada, Yada.

The experts forgot to factor in one important fact.... WORK EFF-ING SUCKS. It's boring, it's tedious, it's time-consuming, it's inconvenient. What better way to pass the time than catching some quality nap time? I'm not a big fan of air travel, so how do I make that five hour cross country flight go faster? Exactly... I sleep. I don't like a movie that I'm dragged to... I'm gonna sleep through it. NASCAR on TV on a Sunday afternoon is a screaming invitation to take a luxurious nap. Get the idea... if I'm bored and need to pass some time I'm sleeping through it. It's what I do well... definitely in my top five life skills.

If my boss expects me to work forty plus hours a week, and I'm not kept entertained for all of that time, I'm going to sleep through the slow times. My employer is gracious enough to provide me with a big comfy chair for my desk, a receptionist to answer my phone calls, and a quiet corner office with a lock. What do they think is going to happen? That's like giving Amy Winehouse heroin and expecting her not to shoot up. I'm certainly not going to waste my free time on sleep. Why not do it at work and get paid for it? Join me people... join the revolution.

4 comments:

Unknown said...

Oh that is...good! Yes, Bob I will join in that revolution, except...wait...I am at the front desk...shoot! I am the one who answers the phones, so the nurses don't...darn it. Wait! What am I talking about...I still doze once in a while. Ok, it's all good here!
Cheers,
Robyn

INNER VOICES said...

Not quite as fullfilling as fapping away at ones self on the clock... but ive taken the occasional nap my self...

Anonymous said...

ZZZZZzzzz

Suzanne said...

Well, I work at home, so basically I'd be screwing myself out of money. Interesting thought. I think I need to find an employer who will pay me to screw off, pay me to paint and grow roses, and also pay me an honest wage. Know anybody?

XO