One Year (or 365 days) Later...

I moved into my California apartment on June 4, 2007, so the anniversary date is coming up on Wednesday. But since 2008 is a leap year, today is 365 days since I made the big move from the East Coast to the West Coast. So today is one year, but tomorrow is the anniversary. Do I have you thoroughly confused yet? That was the idea. I've got to keep y'all as off kilter as I am.

Anyway, my blog header reflects the life transition over that time. The bridge on the right is the Lenard Zachem Bridge in downtown Boston, MA. It's where this year-long journey began. The bridge on the left as most people can recognize is the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco. It was the destination of the trip, but just the beginning of the adventure. I chose these two images because they "span" two different times in my life and symbolize the still torn nature of my existence. They hold great meaning to me, which is why I've selected to have them both in my sights on a daily basis.

This year has brought many changes. I left a company for whom I had worked for 13 years, leaving the comfort and seniority for a new challenge. Looking back now, things were pretty bad in my life at that moment and the decision to move on was certainly clouded by numerous factors. Taking a rational look now, things could have gotten significantly better after the likely end of a business relationship. The outlook could have improved and things could have been fine. My career change right now isn't exactly wine and roses. It's brought with it a number of challenges, frustrations, and adjustments. I recently told a friend, "I can't say I dislike what I'm doing, but I can't say that I like it either." It doesn't mean I won't grow to appreciate it, but it doesn't rule out another (more rationally thought out) change. I don't dwell on it daily, but at times I regret making the jump. There are no certainties in life, but the biggest of changes right now is still only a 50/50 proposition on whether it was the correct choice.

One thing the move did allow me was the opportunity to pursue the professional goal of attaining the title of Certified Facility Executive (CFE). It's about a year long process and I've completed two of the three steps, the final being the oral interview in July. Many of the people I dearly respect and honor in my industry are CFE's, and the recognition and affirmation from my peers and colleagues means a great deal. It would be an acknowledgement of my accomplishments and contributions to my industry. It means a lot to me, and would will be a highlight of the year.

My health has changed in the past year. I've dropped 20 lbs. during the year, with another 20 lbs. as an achievable target. Those first 20 were the easy ones, the more difficult ones are to come. I stopped taking medication for depression. It doesn't necessarily mean that I don't need it, only that I've chosen to try making a go without it. Some days are good and some are not good but overall I think the benefits of living without the side effects are better for me in the long run. I've also stopped therapy, which I don't think is good for me. I know I should restart, but the dollars are tight right now, even for just the co-pay. I'll have to lean on the work with my former therapist for some time. I find myself to be a lot more emotional now. Actually, to be more correct, I find myself more in touch with my emotions. Buried behind the baggage they've been there the whole time, just repressed and locked away. Now they're at the surface and I'm having to deal with them. I think this new found project of blogging has brought a lot of this about... so I blame all of you! I've significantly reduced my alcohol intake. That's good for both the weight loss and the depression. Next step is cutting back on my weekend cigars. If I can ever find the motivation, I may even dust off that exercise unit currently being used as a storage shelf.

This past year I met an amazing woman (not Shania), who flashed out of my life as quickly as she came into it. I feel like I missed out on a chance at what could have been a lot of sex and happiness. Ultimately she chose her business and career instead of me. I wish sometimes we had never met. The chance to have someone that incredible in my life for the first time was heartbreaking to let slip away. I do think about her and what might have been, but I'm dealing with it the best I can. Yes I do still turn on my instant messenger and hope for a contact, but I've come not to expect one so anything would be the biggest of surprises. I guess I've got to leave that door open just a crack in case she peeks in. Hope springs eternal.

It has been a year of minor successes and painful disappointments. It's been a year of self-enlightenment, frustration, and a few fleeting moments of smiles and laughter. I've taken some steps to improve myself, but in some ways have fallen a few steps back. It hasn't been easy, but the struggle will make me more solid. It isn't going to be easy for a while. The year has also brought this project. Starting as a private handwritten journal in February, it's evolved into this public blog today. I see it as a way to express and record my innermost thoughts, and as a vehicle to play around with my love of creative writing. It helps me everyday, whether it be developing my own work or reading the wildly talented work of many others (even MJ's Filthy Friday).

On this last day of the first year as I devote time to looking back, I can't help but look ahead. You see another person has taken quite a trek of his own in the past year, and tonight became the Democratic nominee to become the President of the United States. Barack Obama is an inspiration to many people. He is the symbol of hope, of positive change, of the type of rebirth that this country so desperately needs. He compels people to look forward to a time when things will be better. Obama can be that kind of leader for this nation. He moves me to personally look forward as well, with an optimistic view of the future. From the Zachem to the Golden Gate, it's been a year full of landmarks along the way. Keep reading and we'll find out together how the next 365 days unfold.